Things Are Rough All Over
by wolftez
Summary: Ellie still gets into complicated situations, and Joel still tries to show her the way. That's what family does.
1. Two Lies and a Truth

**This takes place about two years after Joel and Ellie reach Jackson County once again. I really love their dynamic and after finishing the game a while back, I still can't get them out of my head. News on the sequel has also been keeping me tied to this world, and this is what I imagined life could be like for them after the game, in the five year period between the original and the sequel.**

 **The title is from a line in The Outsiders where Cherry references that it doesn't matter where you come from, everyone has their own unique set of problems and the weight of it is all equal to each other.**

* * *

There was an odd patch of grass, a disturbingly bright spot of sunshine that shone down in the middle of the dark, dingy, trash consumed forest that bordered the edges of Jackson County. Ellie didn't think anyone came out this far because her small, muddy tracks were the first to be made in this smooth, untouched path she ventured curiously across.

The terrain here was rougher than what she was used to when she went on border patrol with a small portion of the militia in the early morning hours of dawn, just before the sun rose over the jagged, snow-tipped mountains. The sun was high in the sky now, and the snow from days prior was almost completely melted from the surrounding nature. Her feet kept snagging on open tree limbs growing sideways on the surface of the marsh-like ground, and she cursed with each misstep. Someone should really be keeping up with the gardening around here.

She wasn't supposed to be in this part of the woods alone, she knew this, but in her defense, she had initially seen a white tailed buck straying over back into this side of the woods from her position on the border path; she was practically drooling at the hot, fresh meat she could already taste from a meal long ago.

They didn't come across much deer nowadays; the days were getting colder again with the ongoing winter snow coming and going, falling and melting, and the seldom deer left were frozen beneath small avalanches that had fallen, the people of Tommy's community's hopes for a mouthwatering meal going down with them. Nobody said anything at the fresh vegetation they had been consuming for months, the stock on that never ending, but that didn't mean people didn't miss a nice, warm meal as tasty as some venison.

Not that anyone would outright complain; it would be seen as vain. They were eating and that was the main point. So what if it didn't sit well with their taste buds?

Once upon a time, Ellie would have been one of those people criticizing other's for taking their select food for granted, but she'd been living here in relative comfort in Jackson County for two years now. She hated to say that the loss of their prized venison a few months back was something that got her in a sour mood more often than not.

Surely tracking this deer down and slinging its slain carcass home would hail her a hero to many and a headache to a certain Texas native. Damn, Joel was gonna be pissed to learn that she was this far out from the perimeter.

Sure, she could always lie about where she found the deer and no one would be the wiser… But anyway, she didn't need to think about any of this; she didn't even have the deer in her possession yet.

Soft rustling ahead of her had her entire body freezing in place, eyes vigilantly scanning the mossy area for what she hoped was the deer. The only thing swaying in this peaceful little untouched circle of life in the space of 10 seconds were the small brown leaves dangling from the wayward trees, Ellie's hard green eyes, and, finally, coming into view from behind a large tree, a delicate deer, his wary eyes touching on her briefly before turning to the ground before him, becoming like many others in the world, desperately searching for anything safely consumable.

This was the moment. This was her short window of opportunity to stealthily lift her bow in form and knock the breath and life force out of the only other living specimen in her vicinity. This was the moment … but still she stood, struck dumb by the innocent movements the deer displayed.

It was so unlike her, and she willed herself to get a move on because surely she'd get a generous amount of this juicy meat for finding it, but the only thing she felt compelled to do in that moment was stand back and let nature go on around her for a moment.

A soft gasp escaped her as she noticed a tall bush rustling slightly behind the deer. Very hesitantly, a smaller deer careened out of its hiding place, taking up a circling stance in front of the older deer before settling on standing on wobbly legs adjacent to the other. Following the elder's lead, the younger deer eagerly munched on the fresh grass in that bright spot where the sun shone through.

The sight before her reminded her of her comics. There was one about a savage, revenge killing man who sought solace in killing the scumbags of the Earth because of the pain caused to him by a senseless, fatal attack on his family. The man intrigued her while she read, so interested in his character growth. It didn't matter that he was one of those regular Johnson's before it all: a volunteer army man who fought wars for a country where most of the population didn't want to defend itself; he had a beautiful wife who took care of their curious, playful children, the way families worked back then. It didn't matter that he did everything in his power to live a happy life because once it was all harshly taken away from him, his deep, inner instincts rose up.

Practically overnight the caring, soft-hearted man who only projected love and duty turned into a killing machine, showing no mercy to any wrong doers of the innocent. Ellie spent countless nights just thinking about that guy with the fitting name, an unwanted title given to him by the spectators of his city.

She had thought the reason behind her unquenchable curiosity of this anti-hero was because he scared her. Not in the way he was probably intended to for its original audience. No, this was on a more personal level. He was the epitome of a man who had lost everything and turned into the very worst version of himself; a version Ellie uneasily had such an easy time connecting to.

But there was a moment when this broken man was walking through a graveyard, going to visit his dead wife and kids on the anniversary of their deaths. The world was dark and gray and raining, the polar opposite of the day Ellie was currently experiencing. As he passed through the multitude of headstones identifying the various other lost souls, he had stopped after passing a tall, stone angel statue. Ahead of him, about 50 feet away from him were the three statues of his loved ones, lined up in a descending line of headstones. What gave him pause, though, were the three deer that were casually strolling along his family, leisurely picking at the grass as they crisscrossed back and forth around his family's angel statues.

It was very much like the scene before Ellie. If she closed her eyes, she could probably even imagine herself as an anti-hero, just another merciless monster wanting to leave one pure aspect of the world intact. Slowly, almost dreamily, she let her eyelids slide closed, the last sight being the gentle nature of the deer as it kept going on with life as if Ellie wasn't even there...

A soft whistle of the wind, a sound she knew like the back of her hand, had her eyes flying open, tranquility gone as her arms automatically reached behind her to pull her bow from her back, knocking an arrow through it, all in the blink of an eye.

On the far end of her arrow was an older man she had seen before, but she had never caught his name. The bearded man was quickly trying to set up another arrow in his bow, but Ellie neared him warningly, and as he glanced up at her, the threat was clear. He paused his ministrations, narrowed eyes darting behind her where the deer lay and then back.

He was one of the new arrivals the border patrol had stumbled upon and had brought back a few weeks ago. He might have had a son around her age, but she couldn't be sure. All she knew now was that he was going to take credit for this lively, innocent deer she had befriended in her head moments before.

She inched forward, closer to the man before speaking, tone hard. "You're not supposed to be out this far. If you need something out here you gotta speak with Maria and Tommy. Have you talked to them?" New people to the community were on special watch, a character study of sorts. If they planned on staying, then Tommy liked to know what kind of person he was letting in. They weren't allowed to leave the town unless they planned on staying out, and if they had something to attend to out here in that short window of time, it needed to be cleared by Tommy and Maria.

The man's eyebrows knitted together as a slow smile showed off some seriously envious teeth. Most people in their late 40's and beyond had long forsaken their oral hygiene in favor of the more important matters in life, like food, water, and shelter. It was hard to come across a toothbrush unless you lived in a military installation like Ellie had while growing up, or something organized like it. Yet, here this man was with merely a slight yellowing of a smile. He must have come from another base.

He was a big man with a posture she recognized as a southern one. Or at least, that's what Joel called the odd way he stood with a backward tilt to his body. The man had a camo textured hat over top of his sweaty looking brown hair, a camo jacket to match. It was zipped up to his neck, fighting off the withering cold the winter was starting to bring in. Old, rust colored blood trails marked the fading blue of his jeans. If she hadn't already recognized him from around the community a few times, she would swear this man was a real threat to her. Not that being a part of the community made him any safer, it just made it harder for him if he were to try to start trouble because people knew him now.

Ellie waited for the man to respond, but apparently he thought their predicament amusing because he only stared at her with that unphased smile. This served to frustrate her further, annoyed at being seen as a minor nuisance. With more force than necessary, she gripped the bow tightly in her hand before very subtly angling a few degrees away from the man's head and let the arrow loose.

And, finally, she garnered the reaction she had initially wanted.

The man's eyes widened in fear as he gasped loudly, freezing in place. Ellie had already set up her bow once more, fresh arrow trained right on his nose. After a tense moment of holding his breath, he hastily glanced behind him at the arrow splitting through the large tree beside him, mere inches from his face.

"Fuck, girl! The hell's wrong with you?" he said, gruff voice quivering through his rage.

Ellie didn't falter. "I asked you a question."

The man was at a loss for words, sputtering nonsense as his eyes traveled desperately around the surrounding woods, as if they would provide an answer for him. Instead, he settled on, "W—what?"

"I said you're not allowed to be out this far unsupervised. It's against protocol."

"I could say the same for you. This don't look like the path that big group of yours were following."

Ellie thought quickly before answering. "Don't fucking worry about it. I have business out here, so you'd better be heading back to town. They don't take kindly to people screwing up in their first few weeks here."

Now Ellie was just talking out of her ass, saying anything to get this guy to move on. Truth was she knew Joel would throw a fit if he knew about this and probably try his damnedest to start up his old crusade of trying to persuade Tommy to put her on a job within the walls again. She struggled to get Joel on her side when she threw in her boring border defense work and traded up to being a part of the militia. This little wandering off right now would only make his argument stronger.

She didn't know what her face portrayed, the warring emotions within her confusing her, but it was enough to get him to completely untangle his bow from its half prepared state. He slung both the arrow and the bow back into its place on his backpack, his hard eyes not once leaving hers. Ellie still had her bow trained on him.

He nodded his head in the direction of the deer expectantly, his feet already laggardly moving his heavily clothed body in the direction of the slain meal. "I'm just gonna … go get that here deer now," he said, as if he were trying not to further agitate a spooked horse.

"I think you're mistaken. That was my deer."

His eyes bulged, rage filling the already beady eyes. Ellie almost felt like laughing at his expression, his face similar to the facial extremities with which her comic characters wore. "The hell it is! Now, I shot that deer, fair n' square. I dunno who you think you are, but you're in for a hell of a surprise if you think—" He broke off as recognition took over, eyebrows shooting up, his entire body relaxing. The look he wore did nothing to quell Ellie's growing agitation. "Huh ho. I know who you are. You're Tommy's niece, ain't ya? Yeah, I seen you hanging around with that gruffer lookin' brother'a his. Joey, is it? Joe?"

She didn't like the way he spoke about Joel. It was almost condescending, and she clutched the bow even tighter in her grip, involuntarily clenching her jaw in the process. The man noticed.

His grin widened, an evil glint overtaking the feigned innocence in his eyes. "Touched a nerve, there, did I? Could be I got it wrong. Maybe you ain't Tommy's innocent little niece. Maybe you're more to that brother'a his."

"You'd better shut your fucking mouth if you want to keep the skin of your leg intact." Her voice quivered with thinly veiled rage.

"Hey, hey, now. No need to be gettin' on the defensive side. So what if you're fuckin' our leader's brother? Ain't no skin off my nose who he takes into his bed at night. But this right here," he said, gesturing between the two of them, "this ain't gon' work. I don't take orders from no bitch—"

Her fingers had let go of the arrow before she consciously knew that was even what she wanted to do.

A pitiful, anguished cry rang through the too quiet forest as the man fell to the ground in an injurious heap, his backpack full of jutting out guns and a bow poking into his back. His moans were loud as his gloved hands circled his calf tightly, her perfectly placed arrow jutting out from the middle.

Ellie didn't have time to think about the panic his cries would evoke in the rest of the patrol party if they were still close enough to hear; she had to stay her upper hand here. In no time at all she had yet another arrow trained on him as she rushed over to his side, staring down at him through the spine of her arrow as he spewed expletives into the air.

As she had anticipated, he began to shakily reach for the handgun strapped to his boot, but she kicked his hand away harshly, emitting another wet whimper from the broken man. He glared up at her, pure hatred the only feeling she received from his gaze.

"Fucking bitch," he spat, voice ragged with exertion. Ellie glanced down at his leg, relishing in the sight of the tiny pool of blood beginning to soak through his discolored jeans. Honestly, he was acting like a big baby to Ellie. He ought to be lucky he didn't piss her off even more or else she would have been aiming just a little bit higher...

"Oh, you fuckin'… I don't give a... who you are," he said, deep voice getting thicker and slower as his words began to slur together. His eyelids were beginning to droop as his body began to fall backward even more painfully onto his weaponry sticking out of the backpack. An incredulous laugh escaped Ellie as she watched his hands finally fall from his leg. He was out like a light.

It was at this inopportune moment that the rest of the border patrol decided to find them. Shouts filled the air with questions and commands. Ellie lowered her weapon, holding her hands up in surrender.

"He's not dead," she said, just barely fighting the urge to roll her eyes at the dramatic way the rest of her party jumped onto the scene, concerned gazes on the slumped man at her feet. Not wanting to appear as any more of an unnecessary threat, Ellie shouldered her bow and arrow back into its pouch and jumped back a few paces so they could examine the guy.

Tommy was at the forefront of the group, bent at the knees in front of the man as he rolled the injured man's head from side to side. He grunted in satisfaction that indeed the man was still breathing before standing to his full height (which still wasn't very impressive), disapproving glare settled on Ellie. She hated the way his stare evoked a feeling of guilt in her. She by no means felt any guilt for putting one through that asshole's leg, but for some reason, the feeling bubbled up when he stared her down.

Still, she tried not to show it as she kept her head held high, refusing to break the meaningful eye contact. She knew he was trying to figure something out, maybe something about Ellie, but he never was the type to get all mushy with feelings and talking with her, so she probably would never find out what about her puzzled him. He broke away first, the curiosity wiped away in favor of the hard stoicism of a leader.

"What happened here? And don't bullshit me." His voice was indifferent.

"I felt threatened. He tried to pull a gun on me."

"Why would he do that? And what's he doin' outside the walls anyway?"

"I don't know… He's fucking crazy. Talking all kind of shit about—" she stopped, realizing the other eager pairs of eyes on her. Tommy, too, gazed around, before turning back to her, shrugging.

"What'd he say?"

Ellie bit her lip, unwilling to repeat the foul things he'd said in front of an audience who were too nosy for her liking. She didn't want the wrong kind of rumors to spread about Joel, and these people would no doubt find some way to add truth to this man's insults.

She gazed back at the spot where the fallen deer was lying, the grass in that specific area flattened beneath the dead weight. "I found some deer."

The atmosphere in the little circle of people immediately changed to something light, murmurs of delight coursing through the people as some of them raced ahead, heads scanning the area Ellie had been staring at until one person yelled, "Got it!" and raced to the mouth watering game.

Ellie stood back, finding a tree to lean on as she watched everyone get ready to head back. A lot of her comrades had come over and patted her graciously on the shoulder, commenting on how they were going to be eating good tonight. Another group of people had taken to lifting the lolled man onto the back of a horse, stripping him of his weapons until they could figure out just what went down. Ellie had made sure to point out the one gun hidden within his boot.

Tommy had helped a few of the others situate the deer onto a horse before striding over to Ellie. She tensed as he neared, dreading whatever it was he was going to say.

He stopped in front of her, placing his hands loosely on his hips. His head was bowed, dirty blonde hair falling down like a curtain, and she thought maybe his eyes were closed. He looked so incredibly tired in that moment ... so much like Joel. Her guilt came rising back.

After a deep breath, he turned those tortured eyes on her, so many emotions warring on his face she couldn't even pick out one. "Joel's gonna hear about this."

She huffed a laugh, wringing her hands together nervously. "I thought the deal was pretty clear here. I give you this deer, which is a rarity to come by nowadays I might add, and you make this whole situation go away."

His eyes narrowed, a corner of his mouth lifting imperceptibly, but it was enough for Ellie to notice. "I don't know how you plan on hiding this fully grown injured man. Especially when he wakes up. He's gonna be one hell of an angry bear with you the only destination in mind."

"It's gonna be pretty hard for him to walk with one working leg."

Tommy huffed a laugh, rubbing a hand over his face. "Come on, kid. Best be going 'fore night falls. It's coming quicker and quicker these days, and it's a long way back."

Ellie sighed and pushed herself off the tree, trailing behind the rest of the group as they walked with a little more pep in their step this time. Before she left the sacred clearing completely, she turned back to the spot the deer had stood, a peaceful being in their natural, tranquil environment. She was glad she got to witness their calm in their last moments of life. Most animals didn't get that kind of acknowledgement.

She suddenly remembered the other deer, now that she thought about it. It must have run off. She didn't even know if the little one or the big one got away, but did it matter?

Ellie secretly hoped it was the little one.

* * *

The two rough sounding voices coming from the other side of the kitchen door Ellie was leaning her ear against rose in volume. Agitation was clear amongst the brothers.

"I can't have that kind of animosity tainting the easy bond with which my militia has established. They need to be able to trust each other. I don't know, but it always seems as though Ellie is hiding behind something, like she's on her own side mission when we go out there."

"Goddamn it, Tommy, why is all this landing on Ellie's shoulders? She was the one being harassed."

"Don't tell me you believe that? I'll admit, this guy is still on watch, and while I don't exactly get 'let's be friends' vibes from him, I can't see him shooting a little girl in cold blood. It don't match up with anything we've seen from him so far."

"We don't know him. You know _her_ , though. She wouldn't attack someone unless she was provoked."

"I know her enough to know that it don't take much to provoke her. Give her one wrong look, and she'll curse you up a storm like a sailor."

Like a sailor? Hmm. She would have to ask Joel about that one later. Deep, calming breaths filled the silence on the other side of the door, and she struggled to hear their now toned down volumes.

"What'd he say to her?" Joel asked.

"Fuck if I know. I asked her myself, but she was tight-lipped about it. Suspect she didn't want to share in front of the class. Have a feeling she might open up to you, though."

"Hmm," Joel said in way of agreement. The sound of a chair scraping against the hardwood floors had her straightening up quickly, ready to bolt if they started to head out, but Tommy's unexpectedly soft voice stopped her.

"Why're you fighting this so hard, huh? I thought this was what you wanted, having the girl contributing safely within the walls."

Ellie's heart picked up speed, not liking the direction this conversation was taking. She was gonna be stuck on stupid defense duty, she just knew it. Her tiny fists curled up by her side.

"This ain't even about me. Ellie likes what she does, and she's damn good at it. It gives her a purpose in life; something to fight for. I'll be damned if I'm gonna sideline her from the action just because it sca—."

He broke off, the silence thick with an unspoken truth, but Ellie wasn't even thinking about that. Amazingly, with just a few choice words on Joel's part, any anxiety she had about the outcome of this situation dissipated. Not only that, but she felt lighter. So light. Like a careless bird, she felt like flying over the treetops, shouting that, _Yes! Joel is finally accepting my need for this job_.

They'd been together now for two years, and while she never doubted the care he held for her since that troubled start, she always wished he would accept the decisions she made, no matter how risky they were for her. His approval was the only one she sought, the only one that truly mattered to her, but she didn't let it dictate her actions; she still did as she pleased. Well, not sometimes. She chose her battles with him or else they'd be at odds every day of the week. And he gave in, too, probably more than she ever did, succumbing to her worries and not taking risks when it was too much for her.

They took care of each other like that.

Ellie was so into her head filled with exclamations and revelations, that she failed to notice the lack of conversation still taking place. Before she could react, the door creaked open before her, Joel stopping abruptly upon noticing her. She grinned sheepishly.

"Hey, there. I was just—"

Joel pointed a finger toward the staircase. "Upstairs, young lady."

"Don't you 'young lady' me," she grumbled, nonetheless finding her way up the stairs and into her bedroom.

Her and Joel were given a house to themselves, a perk of being the leader's family, she guessed. Her room was one door over from Joel's which she very much appreciated at night time when she would sometimes wake up in a panicked sweat. Her nightmares were a force to be reckoned with, plaguing her dream state on occasion. They mostly consisted of cannibalistic monsters and a certain dark entity in the form of David. It had been two years and she could still feel the throat-closing fear she had that day with David, still feel the masculine strength that pinned her down to the cold, hard floor of that restaurant. With Joel within one door away, it was easy to find comfort when she had these dreams, sneaking into his room and sliding under his covers until she felt safe once more. If he was awake when she came, he would let her curl up into his side until she dozed off once more.

A few moments after she settled herself on the large window seat looking out over the town, Joel came in, heavy boots marking his path slowly as he sat down on her bed, springs creaking loudly beneath his weight. She waited for him to speak, still not sure what she wanted to say to him.

"Tommy says you can stay on border patrol. Jacob won't be well enough to be messing around outside the walls, so..."

"Jacob?" she said, facing him. He lifted a thick eyebrow at her.

"The guy sportin' your arrow? Ring a bell?"

"Oh." So Jacob was the asshole she had taken down. After a moment of thought, Ellie decided she preferred 'asshole' to 'Jacob.'

"You wanna tell me what happened out there?"

Ellie gazed back out the window. She could feel her lips curling as she recalled the insults he had tossed at the pair of them. And what the hell for? He didn't even know them. All at once, her anger returned, and she sprang up, pacing in front of Joel who had braced his hands behind him on the bed, watching Ellie patiently.

"It wasn't my fault! That asshole had it coming. I was just walking with the group, you know, doing my job, when I saw this beautiful deer just bound right in front of me and head off trail just a tiny bit, so I followed it because none of us have had any deer in months and can you imagine eating something as good as fresh venison? So, I followed that deer, not straying off path, of course, and right before I was gonna shoot it, this guy's arrow came from nowhere and shot my deer down. He practically stole from me. So, I sorta … well, I didn't know what he was gonna do, so I pulled my bow on him and told him that it was my deer, and then he started … I don't know. He started talking shit about us."

"Us?"

"Yeah, you know, he was being all gross, like, 'I don't care if you're screwing Tommy's brother's brains out, just don't tell me what to do because of it.' Also, he called me a bitch—"

"And there it is. That's the real reason you shot him, isn't it?" Before Ellie could rebut, he drove on, leaning forward to rub a hand across his forehead. "Ellie, you can't just go picking fights with people just because they call you a few bad names. Shooting the man was a little extreme—"

"No, fuck that! That's not the only reason I shot him."

"But it was one of them," he said. Ellie opened her mouth but nothing came out other than some choked mumbles. Joel's eyebrows furrowed as he leaned forward even more, his arms resting on his knees now. "Wait, Tommy said something about him pulling a gun on you?"

"Yeah, he did! I thought he was gonna take me out, you know,"—she mimed a gun to her head and clicked—" _pew_."

Joel looked to be in deep thought, mulling over her response. "Was this before or after you shot him?"

Goddamn it. He was determined to squeeze the very uncomfortable truth from between Ellie's omissive lies. How did he know just the right questions to ask? It was unnerving, and in this moment, annoying.

Instead of answering him, she turned her back on him, proceeding back to the picture window. Below her, she could just make out the wispy, gray smoke coming from the cooking area, a small crowd beginning to form around the ring of smoke. Through the window, she could practically smell that cooked meat wafting into her senses, and she swallowed thickly.

"You're supposed to be on my side," she said accusingly.

Joel sighed behind her, one of those deep cleansing ones, as if his whole body needed that little bit of breath to keep on going in the moment. Her eyelids fell closed against the fresh wave of guilt that hit her, stronger than before with Tommy because _he_ meant more. She didn't want to cause Joel any more trouble than was necessary, but in the heat of the moment, Ellie was never any good at controlling her impulses. She never needed to think about that before, back when she was in Boston, because her actions didn't affect anyone else. Now, though, she had someone who cared for her, someone who depended on her. Suddenly her life meant so much more because of that.

"I ain't gangin' up on ya, kiddo. I'm just trying to understand."

"Yeah, well, same here."

Among her time here, she had caught the adults referring to her increasingly surly attitude as one of "teenage angst", and while she had strung together an idea of what they meant, no one had discussed with her at length exactly what was going on with her. Because something was happening to her, she knew it. She often found herself unreasonably annoyed with Joel's worrying about her, or just waking up in a bad mood for seemingly no reason. At first she had chalked it up to the stress of the dreams, but when other people took note and seemed amused by it, she thought maybe this was something else altogether.

The emotional roller coaster wasn't even the half of it; her body had begun changing as well. It was subtle, but one day she noticed that her chest poked out against her shirt, making it tighter than it'd ever felt. Her shirts weren't only tight at the chest, but at the waist as well, her hips straining against the fabric she'd worn since she was thirteen years old. She'd had to ditch some of her favorite gear in favor of some tattered hand me downs Maria had given her.

The worst of it was the morning she'd awoken feeling wet, embarrassingly thinking she'd peed herself. When she stood up to inspect the damage on the bed, she'd screamed bloody murder at the sight of the blood stain on the sheet and the back of her flannel shorts, convinced she was somehow on the verge of death. As if the situation couldn't have gotten any more disastrous, she'd realized she was in Joel's bed that night.

Poor Joel never saw it coming when he awoke to her frightened screams only to realize that he was a hairsbreadth away from placing his unsuspecting hand on the blood soiled stain. He'd nearly jumped out of his skin trying to scurry away, falling unceremoniously onto the wood board floor. After a very confusing and tense minute of arguing, he'd tossed her a pair of his boxers and told her to go find Maria, she'd know what to tell her.

After the hour long talk about womanhood and the gracious gift she was being afforded (seemed like a lie), she'd slumped back to face Joel, mortified that this had to happen in his bed. She'd probably scarred the old man with her "gracious gift." Luckily for her, Joel had calmed down significantly since that morning, even going so far as to apologize for his rude behavior. He just wasn't expecting it, is all, was what he said, and then kindly suggested she tough out her nightmares in her own bed while on her period, or at least until she got more familiar with it. In one of a few instances, she didn't argue with him.

All of these changes had happened so fast and without proper warning. Maybe that was why she was angry a lot – because it didn't seem fair that so much discomfort could throw itself at her without her say so. Or because she had to go through it alone. She hadn't made very many friends in her time here despite Joel's gentle prodding that she enjoy her childhood with some of the other kids. It just seemed ridiculous to her how some kids spent their spare time racing each other and playing around with a stupid ball when there was work to be done, work that kept this community safe and thriving.

But Ellie was tired now. So weary at keeping her troubles locked inside herself, unable to share with the adults—even Joel. She loved Joel, she really did, but she also sensed that talking about her changing mind and body were a little out of his depth. Especially after the whole period incident. Maybe she should go find some of the other kids her age, she wondered. There weren't many, but surely they were going through the same thing...

Ellie started as Joel crept up on her, leaning against the picture window with his hands shoved into his jean pockets.

"Creep," she said. Joel smiled, serene gaze turned toward the still cooking venison.

She'd missed this. She'd missed the easy silences that rendered no expectations from either of them. Nowadays, it seemed as if she barely saw him except for when she came home at night after her patrolling duty, sharing a quick supper with him that was always way too short for her liking. Joel was still in his original task, manning the walls during the day and making sure they were still intact, finding ways to expand and make them stronger. After a harsh twenty-one years of combat and constant self defending against outward threats, he was perfectly content to step back and let the younger generation take the reigns on that front. As far as he was concerned, he'd done his time and some, and now deserved some semblance of a break. A retirement, he had once called it.

Ellie sighed, eyes glued to the smoke of the burning meat. "They'd better save us some, or the next deer I find is gonna be our little secret."

"They didn't forget who brought on this celebratory dinner. You'll get yours," he said reassuringly.

Their time was slipping from them, and in a matter of minutes he'd be out that door, the weight of the moment gone until next time, whenever that time came. It was too long for Ellie.

She turned to him, giving him her full attention as she swallowed past the apprehension in her throat. _Make this moment count._

"I couldn't let him tear you down, Joel. What he said about you was ugly. It just got me so mad that he could say those disgusting things about you so easily with that stupid smile on his pinched face and not even know you. Taking a jab at me sealed his fate, but it really only bothered me second to his insults to you."

Joel's gaze slid down, unseeing as he processed her words. Ellie didn't often talk affectionately toward Joel—if her admission could count as affectionate—and it still scared her that one day he might just wave her concern away as unwanted.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, he lifted his arm up, motioning his hand for her to join him. "C'mere, kiddo."

Like an instinct, it felt all too right and familiar to fold into the crevice of his arm, her hands twining together as she curled them beneath her chin. His body was hard and warm against hers, the feeling encompassing her in a safety she closed her eyes at, reveling.

His arm settled around her, pulling her in tight so she had no means of escape from words she knew he was preparing for—not that she wanted to leave the comforting space. A little cramped she was, her growing height showing now as she craned her neck down to accommodate for the tight space under his armpit. Maybe she was getting too old for these close hugs, but she didn't care. She'd gladly look like a tangle of gangly limbs if it meant she could still be welcomed into his arms.

"Listen," he said, deep voice unusually soft. Ellie picked her head up enough to stare at him. Hard lines filled the edges around his lips and eyes, his aging body prominent from this close up. It seemed many years fixing the same contemplative expression on his face had permanently etched a troubled façade. Or maybe she was just stressing him out that much. "I know you meant well; that you were trying to do me justice when I wasn't there to defend myself. And I appreciate it. These people 'round here might not, but I do. Honest. But there are certain ways to go about that anger."

"Slicing his leg clean through seemed to quash that anger."

Joel laughed once. "Maybe it did for the time being, but what are you gonna do the next time he pushes your buttons?"

"Well, he's got three other limbs—"

"Ellie," he admonished.

"Fine," she said, sighing. "I don't know what I'd do." She paused. "What would you do?"

Joel hummed to himself, considering. "Honestly, I'd try my best to overlook it."

"Ha! Yeah, right. I've seen you in action; you'd punch the living daylights out of them."

"That was before when we didn't have stability. We're a part of a community, now. We can't be startin' trouble for ourselves when we have to live with these people everyday."

She understood what he meant, but it didn't make her any less surly about their predicament. She sighed again. "So, what you're saying is that I should ignore him when he calls you a pedo and me a bitch. Psshhh, let me know how that works out for you."

"I ain't playing, Ellie," he said, pulling against her shoulder to get her to look at him again. His eyes were serious, but also pleading, the green flecks in his brown eyes shining with a quiet intensity. He was pleading with her, and she couldn't stand the responsibility of that look. She gazed back out the window. "Now, I mean it. I don't wanna hear no more of this business. Besides," he said, joining her in gazing out the window. "I'm gonna have a talk with Jacob. He should know we don't tolerate that kind of instigating around here. I don't know much about where he came from, but he's in civilized country now. As civilized as I've seen in a long damn time."

"Good luck with that," she said. Before he could retort, she amended herself. "I mean it." Their eyes met, and she tried to convey her truthfulness. "He seems like the macho type to listen to a man before he'd even hear out a 'kid's' requests," she said, bitterly emphasizing the word.

"If he has any right to be scared of anyone it's you. You're the only one with the balls enough to shoot a man for saying something he'd probably said to a hundred girls before you."

Ellie laughed, accepting his compliment. This easy banter was welcoming, and she relished that the hardest part of their conversation was over. "I guess so. I guess I kind of served them justice, didn't I?"

"Don't go trying to justify your brazenness. You still reacted out of turn."

"My brazen-what? What are you even saying?"

Joel frowned at her. "What are they teaching you in that school if not how to speak like an adult?"

"Things that actually matter, like how to quickly reload your handgun, or strengthening the aim of your bow."

"Learning new words is just as important. Communication is key."

"Oh, blah blah. You sound like one of those inspirational posters hanging around in the school room. All the other kids treat those as jokes, you know."

"Has anyone ever told you how mean you can be?"

Ellie shoved him roughly with her shoulder, pushing herself away from him. "Like you can't tell I'm kidding."

"I don't know. You really hurt my feelin's; I might just skip out on dinner, sulk in my room to angry music." His mock dejected face was turned down as he rubbed at his chest, the spot where she'd shouldered him.

"Stop it, Joel." Ellie laughed and was filled with a warmth as she caught sight of the growing smile on his face. She had noticed before how she was able to bring that secret smile from him with just her natural charm. He didn't often smile, but when he did, he did it with his eyes, too. She loved that she was able to be one of the few who could pull that from him.

Incidentally, they both heaved heavy sighs, signaling the end of their moment together. It was bittersweet, and she tried not to let the sorrow of the end of their quiet moment together overtake her. Her features were slowly morphing toward a gloomy state, but she quickly turned away toward the door so she could compose herself, wringing her fingers together.

"I'm getting pretty hungry. I think I'm gonna go get some of that deer before those pigs eat it all." She reached the door, but there were no footsteps behind her. She glanced back. He was still standing at the window, watching her inquisitively as she left. She frowned. "You coming?"

"Yeah. I'll be there in a bit. Gotta change out of these clothes; got mud all over them and myself today."

She hesitated, only half believing him. He was in one of his deep contemplation modes, and she knew enough to leave him alone to his thoughts for awhile when he got like this. The look he gave her was reminiscent of the one his brother had worn earlier as he studied her: one of searching and a trying to understand. What were they thinking? It was on the tip of her tongue to question him—surely he wouldn't water down his thoughts the way Tommy would for sake of not bombarding her— but then figured they'd had enough heaviness for the night. She didn't want to start an argument by trying to force more from him than he was willing to give at the moment, so she let him have this one. "Okay," she said. "I'll save you a plate."

He nodded, and she waited a moment more before leaving the room completely, shutting the door softly behind her.

* * *

 **Another chapter coming soon!**


	2. Where Did Yesterday Go?

The medical wing was a few blocks down from the house Ellie and Joel occupied. Besides the residential houses, it was the biggest building in the town, chock full of goodies to aid the sick and injured. It also housed the weapons armory, locked away in the farthest room in the back. They had a building out near the entrance to this fenced in town that was full of guns and ammo, but the rest of their cache was locked away in event of an ambush or something. They've had a few groups of bandits try to come into their town, but they were dumb enough to attack with no knowledge of the place, and now they're not alive to tell their tale.

The air was light today, a dull afterglow still shining from the celebratories last night of the much appreciated deer. When she had first caught sight of that buck, in her mind's eye, she was going to go home a hero with everyone showing their praise and congratulations for her. In reality, only a few people even knew she was the one who found it, and even fewer thanked her. It was a joke, honestly—one she didn't find funny.

Although, now, as she and Joel headed down to medical with only one goal in mind, laughing was the furthest thing from her mind.

Joel had said he was going to talk to Jacob, and at first he had insisted he go alone, not wanting to cause any unnecessary ire. They'd fought about it for a total of two minutes before he'd realized he'd already lost when Ellie made the internal decision to tag along. No way was she not going to be there to contradict that asshole's surely fabricated story.

Joel's advice ran through her mind all morning as she pondered how she was going to handle the situation today. With no weapons at her disposal, she supposed she didn't have to worry about poking holes in the rest of that asshole's bulky body. She wasn't opposed to using her tiny, yet strong fists though...

 _No_ _oo_ , she mentally whined. Joel had made his stance clear on her behavior yesterday, and while she didn't feel blindly obligated to follow his rules, she still felt that there was enough respect between them that she would remember his words in consideration.

As she trudged along the dull, grayish black top of the town street, she sneaked furtive glances at Joel beside her. It was a cool, wintry day, yet all he wore was a thin, moss-colored button down, tightly constrained around his arm muscles, paired with his usual faded dark blue jeans. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, the thin material doing nothing to shield him from the bitter wind. Ellie herself was bundled up: thick, wool coat zipped up to just below her neck, fuzzy-rimmed hat up to keep her neck warm. Her hands were stuffed deep into the pockets of her navy blue jeans, fisted tightly as her teeth chattered. There was nothing to protect her face from the biting wind, so she angled herself behind Joel, using his body as a barrier to protect her face.

Joel's steps faltered as he glanced back at her, confusion seeping into the hard lines on his face. "What're you doin'?"

"My face is freezing, and you're a good shield."

He huffed a laugh and faced forward again, pace slower as he projected his voice to be heard. "Don't tell me you're getting soft, now. We've been through worse winters than this one."

As it always did, the mention of harsh winters brought heat to her face, anger and something else swirling together as she fought to keep those memories at bay. It'd been a long time since that encounter with David, but she knew she would never forget it no matter how hard she tried to pretend like it didn't happen.

She yanked her hands from her pockets and gently placed them on her now heated cheeks, breathing out slowly through her mouth. "I think I'm just getting used to the feel of a warm house. That still doesn't mean I'm losing my edge. I'm full of youth, old man; I'm in my prime."

"Your prime? Girl, you've got a long way to go if you think this is the best you'll ever be."

Ellie stared at the back of his head, pondering his tone. "I feel like I should be offended."

"Nah, just … think of it as a challenge."

"Why didn't you just say that in the first place? I can work with a challenge. I can't work with unhelpful criticism."

"Ain't no one criticizing. Jeez, girl, you really are gettin' soft."

She frowned, and in true Ellie fashion she lightly, but firmly, kicked the back of his leg at the crease and watched in mounting amusement as he stumbled awkwardly, barely catching his balance before he had the chance to fall. Ellie's laughter rang through the almost vacant streets as she bounded ahead of him, out of his arm's reach. Joel glared at her as he resumed his easy pace.

"Real mature, Ellie."

"Don't get mad at me because you can't keep up."

Joel shook his head, briefly glancing at the cracked asphalt before meeting her eyes. There was an awakened fire in his eyes, brought out by her subtle challenge of him. He'd never been very playful in their time together. Even at Ellie's attempts to get the man to engage her, he'd waved her off, spouting some bullshit line about being too tired. In the rare instance that he'd indulge her, though, it was always one of the best moments of her life.

"You don't know what you're startin' here."

She smiled slyly, parroting him."'Just think of it as a challenge.'"

A beat passed—then Joel surged forward with surprising agility a man his age should not have had, shoving her aside as he quickly bypassed her. She stared after him open-mouthed for a second before her legs finally got the memo, and she raced after him.

It didn't matter that she was now literally running face first into the beating wind, it didn't matter that she was lagging behind by several feet, and it didn't matter that when they reached the medical building, the joy of this moment will have passed. Some people avoid doing things they enjoy because they're afraid of the pain that will follow when it's over. She didn't want to be like that, though. She didn't want fear to dictate her life. No, to Ellie, any pain that surmised at the end of anything that brought her joy was worth it for the thrill of it having happened at all.

Ellie beat her feet against the road as fast as she could, marginally closing the gap between them. She didn't know how he managed to get the lead on her, even when she had been anticipating his move. But he was running so fast and with his longer legs, it was no trouble for him to keep his leading spot.

Joel reached the entrance first, his heavy momentum forcing him to brace his hands against the wall as he crashed into it. Ellie slowed her pace at his win, coming to a progressing stop in front of him. His head hung as heavy breaths overtook him, not used to exerting himself as such. Ellie smiled at this.

"Your old man is showing."

Joel grunted, pushing himself off the wall to face her. His skin glistened with sweat, face red and chest rising and falling rapidly.

"An old man that beat ya," he said, trying to slow his breathing.

"Yeah, yeah. You totally cheated, so it doesn't even count as a real win."

"Cheated?" he exclaimed, eyes widening slightly. "Now you're just being sore. What you didn't know before we started was that I ain't never lost a foot race. Even in primary school, I could leave the best of 'em in the dust with my beat up old Skechers any day of the week."

"What the hell are Skechers?"

"Ah, they're just the fancy kind of shoes; the name brand. Not too fancy where my folks couldn't afford them for Tommy and me, but better than your regular Johnsons."

" _Psshht,_ that's stupid. Who names shoes? They all get the job done just as well, they just slide on your feet, keep them warm and covered. I'll never understand how weird you guys were before."

Joel was now leaning against the wall, one foot propped up beneath him. They'd both returned to their normal states. He hummed to himself in agreement. "Everything had to have its rightful label. Whether you were high class or poor, gay or straight, what kinda clothes you wore, where you were born... It's all bullshit now. Even then."

Ellie watched him with a careful glance. He didn't often talk about life before the pandemic. Probably because his dead daughter was attached to that life. Or maybe because it didn't matter anymore; it was the past. Either way, she enjoyed hearing these tidbits because it brought her a little closer to understanding what Joel's childhood was like. What life before the pandemic was like. How easy it must have been where the most important things for a sixteen year old girl were school and where her crush was going to be hanging after school.

Joel closed his eyes, his mind and memories a million light years away, and when he opened them, he was back with her, about to go deal with some unpleasant shit. She gave him a hesitant smile, wondering if he would give anything to go back to that time—and knowing that he would.

His lips quirked at the side indulgently, before he pushed himself off the wall, opening the door to the building. He waved her ahead. "Suppose we'd better get this over with before the drugs he's on wear off too much."

Ellie stepped inside first, but Joel led the rest of the way to whatever examination room the asshole was in. There wasn't anyone here today which was fortunately common nowadays. Less clickers roamed the outskirts of town because of Ellie's patrol group, and so less people have been victim to scrapes and bruises.

They weaved their way down two hallways before Joel paused in front of the only closed door in the hall, turning to her warily. Ellie raised her hands in surrender.

"I promise I won't hurt anyone today."

"That ain't exactly reassurin', but I don't suppose I have a choice." A pause. "You sure you don't wanna wait in—"

Before he could finish, she opened the door herself and strode in confidently, head held high and lips set in a thin line. She meant business today.

And there he was. The little hairs on Ellie's neck stood up at the revolting sight of the gruff man from yesterday sitting up on the gurney, heavy pants rolled up to the knee, a thick, white bandage covering his right calf, and an equally displeased look on his face at the sight of her. Ellie resisted the childish urge to stick her tongue out at him.

Jackson's resident doc, a pleasantly funny older man in his late 40s named Chuck, stood beside him as he turned to the newcomers, gaze briefly passing over her to settle on Joel who had come to stand beside her. Neither of them felt compelled to walk more than three feet into the room.

"Yes, Joel, I was told you might be coming by. How are you? How's Maria? I hope that baby of hers is adjusting well." As Joel took a few steps into the room, scratching his beard in thought, Ellie unzipped her coat and slid it off, the many people in the small room making her sweat uncomfortably. She tossed it over an empty chair by her side, next to the door.

Tommy and Maria's baby was something to be expected, and no one was surprised when Maria started walking around town with a bump in her stomach. She had a girl, not too long ago; a girl named Margot. Ellie had been around to see the baby a few times, finding that spending time with the infant was calming. Despite the lack of sleep Maria and Tommy suffered, they'd never seemed happier to Ellie.

Joel, too, seemed uplifted by the new event. He'd often spend some time before his morning shifts at Tommy's, helping out with the baby and helping Maria in any way he could. It was a domestic side to him she hadn't seen before, and it opened up a whole world of imaginary scenarios in her mind. What he would have been like with his own daughter, Sarah, soothing her whiny cries back to sleep, or bringing her to his shoulder to pat her for a burp. It all fascinated Ellie how one little human could bring out the tenderest of emotions in the most surprising of people.

He stood in front of an empty cot, grabbing onto the edges and swaying back and forth into it gently. "The baby's doing fine. Maria, too. Can't say the same for Tommy, though. Poor man's a wreck between making sure Maria is looked after, and that the baby has everything she needs, all while governing over this place by himself until Maria decides to come back on. It's … it's a lot, but he's doing it."

"Good, good," he said, looking down his spectacles at him. His balding head shined as he tilted his head down, the fluorescent light above them hitting him harshly. "I'm glad to hear about the new family. The first few months are rough, for sure, but I have no doubt Tommy will soon come into a regular routine." Chuck set his clipboard down onto the table and turned to Ellie, hands slipping into the front pockets of his white lab coat. "And Miss Ellie. I was not aware that you would be joining us. Perhaps you'd be more—"

"I think right here is where I'm needed, thanks Doc."

Chuck shared a look with Joel, one that said, _t_ _he girl has spoken_ , and left it at that.

At the silence, everyone turned toward the only other person yet to speak resting on the gurney, but he only had eyes for Ellie. He turned his beady eyes briefly on Joel before returning to her, the heat not lessening. "You her father?"

Joel's eyes were trained on him, suspect clear. He crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm as close to one as she's got. That's all you need'ta know." The guy _hmphed_ , his agitation causing him to shake the foot of his good leg. He mumbled something unintelligible under his breath, turning his head toward the wall. Joel raised his eyebrows, curling his lips between his teeth. "What was that?"

Instead of answering, the guy simply turned to Chuck, seeing fit to just ignore the other two more threatening presences in the room. "How long's this little scurmage set to last? I needs'ta be gettin' back to my boy."

"You don't need to worry about him," Chuck said in a placating tone. "Marco was here last night after finding out about your … incident, and he slept here, actually. Right beside you on that cot."

Jacob looked toward the empty cot beside him, pushed right up against his with no space between them. It was hard to miss the drop of his angry façade, a quiet vulnerability shining as he stared at the cot. It was gone before Ellie even realized she saw it. He turned back to Chuck with a hard gaze. "Where'd he get off to?"

"He said he was gonna go home and prepare you some of that deer Ellie brought back last night. Said it was the finest meat they've had in a long time."

Ellie could tell the exact moment Chuck's words registered with him because the relative ease with which Jacob held himself dissipated like thin smoke. Incredulity filled his face as he huffed. "Oh, Ellie's deer? Was that how it went? 'Cause I remember things playin' out a lot differently." Jacob's eyes narrowed at her. "What in the hell'd you tell them, girl?"

"Nothing that wasn't truth." Her voice was steel, challenging him. They had to believe her over him; he was such an alpha male, if Joel and Chuck were lesser skinned men, they would've submitted their gazes to him. It was disgusting.

"That's a funny truth you got goin' 'round. Did ya tell'em why you shot at me? Or was that just another'a your big stories?"

Hostility rang through his voice, getting rougher with each word. Joel raised his hands in warning. "Everyone can just calm down—"

"Nah, to hell with all that!" Jacob said, his body confused as he jolted up on one leg and swayed uneasily toward the side, the fight or flight defense stilted because of his injured leg. "I just needa get outta here, I just..." he said, trailing off, chewing on his bottom lip as he surveyed the room for a means of getting himself upright. The doctor stepped before him appeasingly, arms raised in a shushing manner.

"Okay, okay, how about this: I send someone for your son, yeah? Bring him down here and help you get situated back home now that you're awake?"

The doctor had a soothing tone, one Ellie occasionally found out of place for a doctor. Back in Boston, the doctors there were very curt and selective about who to patch up, and they were light on the conversation, their sense of humor like that of a rock. Why couldn't more doctors be as kind and reassuring as this one?

It was nothing short of a miracle how the guy grimaced a moment longer at Chuck before deflating, shaking his head in his way of assent. He carefully set himself back down onto the bed, taking care not to jolt his injury too much. Chuck raised his eyebrows at Joel as if to say, _t_ _hat could have gone better_ , and went to his walkie-talkie to radio someone.

Joel treaded over to Ellie, head down, and she flared up inside, already knowing what he was going to say and already knowing she couldn't refuse him this time. This talk wasn't turning out to be very productive, the mental wounds and harsh feelings from yesterday still fresh for both her and Jacob. Ellie rolled her eyes and started toward the door.

"Don't even bother. I know the way back home."

She half expected Joel to call her name, to tell her she'd been wrong—that wasn't what he meant to say—but silence followed her as she threw open the door and stomped out dramatically. She made sure to slam the door as she shut it, wanting everyone to know just how much she disagreed with the unspoken order.

Her fists were curled, upset at the feeling of submission that nagged in her mind. She strode over to the wall opposite her and kicked it with her shoes, over and over, grunting with the force of it. Though, movement from the corner of her eye had her stopping just as quickly as she had started, leveling her breath as she gazed at the unfamiliar boy walking toward her.

There was no question who he was, despite the lack of a physical resemblance between the boy in front of her and the man in the room behind her. It was his soft, brown eyes, though, that held the familial link, the fiery similarity with which she had faced from Jacob yesterday the same look she was receiving now. There was an underlying rage there as he slowed down, staring inquisitively at her. Tamed curls sat atop his head, raven dark; a heavy contrast with his dad's floppy light brown hair. He stopped in front of the door, one hand poised over the handle, but turned toward her to speak.

"I don't know exactly what happened out there yesterday, and I know what kind of man he can be toward women, but if anything ever happens to him because of his leg, or if you decide that he needs another hole in his body … you're really gonna wish you'd never learned how to shoot a bow."

As if she wasn't already keyed up with the adrenaline and anger coursing through her, his verbal threat was too much.

She stalked over to him, sliding herself between him and the door. He hopped back a step, annoyance clear on his youthful face.

"Are you threatening me?"

"No. I'm warning you. Which is more than you did for my dad in there. Appreciate the courtesy."

He moved to push her aside, hand barely touching her upper arm before she went in on him. She jumped on the boy who was clearly older than her, but probably only by a few years. His surprise was what she was using to her advantage as she knocked his bulk form down onto the ground, straddling his waist as he struggled. She held onto his coat with one hand, curling her fingers into the rough fabric for purchase as she used her other fist to pound into his face. Her tiny fist managed to connect with his cheekbones only a few times, his dry groans background noise to her ears, before he got the upper hand. He grabbed her wrists and tossed a leg over the back of hers before surging to the side, switching their positions. Her hands swung back and forth, though it was harder to do that in his tight grip. Her features were pinched as she fought to see through the haze of adrenaline, bracing herself for his counter attack.

But it never came. Instead, he stared at her through wide eyes, face darkening from the force of subduing her struggles. "Will you chill the hell out—"

A sharp clang barely registered in her mind before this boy's weight was thrown off of her, her body rising up halfway because of his hold on her wrists and falling back when he let go. She landed on her elbows, grunting. She wasted no time in scurrying up, taking the change in. Joel had the boy by the collar of his camo jacket, feet almost dangling in the air with the force he was using. With ease, he shoved the boy against the wall roughly, his face inches from the kid.

"What the hell do ya think you're doin', huh?" Joel said, voice dangerous. The boy struggled futilely against Joel's mastered strength.

"She started it, man."

"I don't give a damn if she threw the first punch, you don't pin her to the ground, alright? 'Specially not with you bein' two times her size." His accent was thicker than usual, the southern lilt prominent.

By now, mixed voices rang out from the medical room and out came Chuck with his hands waving about, total alarm on his face. He ran over to Joel and roughly pulled on his arm and shoulder, only marginally more successful than the boy's own attempts at escape as Joel shrugged the older man off. Chuck gave an exasperated huff, physically defeated.

"Joel! I will not tolerate this—this... feral behavior here in my hospital. Now, you let go of that boy before you make this whole mess even more of a pig sty."

Ellie could see the internal struggle going on within Joel, the working of his jaw drawing her eye in immediately. Chuck was a subdued, older man who would be next to useless in a fight, but he didn't need that now, not with his wit.

With an agitated sigh, Joel tossed the boy against the wall as he released the hold on his collar, uncaring if he even hurt the kid. And he was a kid despite his slight husky appearance; probably just shy of his 20s.

The wide-eyed boy stared dazedly at Joel's receding back, struggling to hide his fear of the older man as he tried to compose himself. Joel made his way over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Y'alright, kiddo?"

Without meaning to, she harshly shrugged Joel's comforting hand off, the feeling too raw for her senses. She turned her gaze down at the quick flash of guilt, hating that she couldn't accept his comfort at the moment, but not before she saw the look of resignation on his face. He understood.

All her life she hadn't been one for people getting up into her space, and after that encounter with David, her resentment for it heightened to a new level. She'd never felt as helpless as she had at the hands of one sick man, and she'd never wanted to feel that way again. So, any touch from another person she came into contact with nowadays was largely unwelcome.

With Joel, though, she'd never felt anything but safety for the entire length of their time together. Even in the beginning when distrust was unavoidable between the two of them, she still sensed that he wouldn't let anything bad happen to her. She very rarely shied away from his touch, but everything had happened so fast just now, it was hard to reconcile the difference in the two men.

In the beat of a few, spiked heartbeats, Ellie had calmed her outward self, projecting a confidence that soon forged itself into her bones. She took a glance at Joel and nodded briefly, enough to convey that she was okay, and turned toward the boy.

"Look, man," she started, waiting for him to give her his attention. When his eyes finally left Joel and found their way toward her, she continued. "I'm sorry that you're hurting right now, and I know pain can make people act crazy stupid, but I am not your enemy. Don't turn me into one."

The energy in the room felt incredibly thick to Ellie, and her words rang clear through the sharp silence that abated to allow her to speak freely. She could feel all three pairs of eyes on her, but she stared only at the boy now, wanting him to fully understand her intentions.

She meant what she said. She hadn't intended to start trouble for her and Joel when she reactively fired the first shot in a battle no one asked for, and the situation only seemed to be escalating now that she knew for sure that the man had a son—a very protective one at that. The least she could do now was try to quell any more animosity between herself and this family duo. If not for her sake, then surely for Joel's.

The boy—Marco, if she recalled—looked as if he were having a hard time believing her, soft eyes wary. In his defense, she _had_ just attacked him merely for placing a hand on her arm. Joel was right: she really did take things to the extreme.

It was these stupid hormones, she bet. Maria had said something about how the more she progressed into her teens, she would notice herself changing personality wise, as well. Ellie was pretty sure she'd mentioned something about acting out and being reckless—something she attributed to what just occurred.

Ellie saw the change in his brown eyes when it happened, the hardness with which he tried to hide his fear behind deflating with his acceptance at her surrender. The tense stance in his shoulders slumped as he sighed, one hand reaching up to cup his cheek gingerly. Only then did she notice the dark patch on his cheekbones where she'd hit him. She was amazed, honestly, that he was willing to call a truce so soon after her brash actions. She'd given him no reason to believe her, and yet here he was, relenting. His decision probably had nothing to do with her, but she'd take it nonetheless. His tongue darted out to quickly wet his lips, about to speak before a raucous clinking had four heads turning toward the open door to the occupied room.

The makeshift hospital bed that Jacob had been resting on was now blocking the way into the room, Jacob leaning heavily from the other side, his entire upper body lying across the mattress awkwardly as his breathing labored. This man had wheeled his way out to the action, out to his son.

Immediately upon seeing his distressed state, Marco raced over to the bed, carefully maneuvering it back into the room just enough for him to slide through.

"Dad, what the hell?" he said, voice hushed, letting Jacob shift his weight onto his shoulder before helping him flop back onto the clunky mattress. Jacob groaned as his leg jostled at the callous handling. Recovering quickly from the scene, Chuck hurried over to the pair, aiding Marco in wheeling the bed back inside the room. Before he disappeared from view, Chuck glanced back at her and Joel, eyebrows raised.

"Don't go yet. I'll be right back."

As Chuck shut the door to give the three of them privacy, Joel stalked toward the room, staring hard at the closed door as if the piece of steel personally offended him, before turning his fiery attention to her.

There was nothing reassuring about his expression as he stared her down, one hand on his hip, the other loosely at his side. His eyes were practically shooting daggers at her, and it was an understatement to say she was confused.

" _What?_ " she said, throwing her hands out to either side of her.

Joel sucked his lips between his teeth, calculating, before half pointing a finger aimlessly into the air. "What did we just talk about yesterday?"

She cocked an eyebrow. "Uh, I think I did pretty good today. No one got hurt—too badly," she added quickly, "and I was trying to remember what you—"

"Rolling around with that kid, starting more trouble than this whole damn mess was worth is not helping us."

It took a second for her to register what he was saying, but once she did, she took an involuntary step back, heat flaring within her. Quietly, but with bitter conviction, she said, "You think this is my fault."

Okay, so maybe it was. She unfittingly lashed out at the boy when she had promised to tone it down, but that's not what Joel saw. He didn't know how their tumble started other than the boy stating that she had started it, and yet his first reaction was to believe him, that it _must_ have been her.

"I leave ya alone for two minutes, _two g_ _oddamn minutes_ , and you start in on the son. What are ya tryna to do here, Ellie? Do you have a personal vendetta against them, or somethin'?" His southern accent was thick, the way it usually sounded when he got heated.

"You're being really unfair," she said. Joel scoffed at this and turned his back on her, pacing in tiny circles as he scratched at his beard. "I tried to keep things as chill as possible. But once he laid his hands on me—"

Joel paused, narrowing his eyes at her. "Tell me something, did he hurt you?"

Ellie thought about how she was pinned beneath Marco, fighting him off as hard as she could. She was completely vulnerable, and while he could have hit her or done anything to her for that matter, all he did was get her to stop hitting him, asking her to calm down.

"Well … no—" she said, but he kept on going, bulldozing straight to the point.

"And did you throw the first swing?"

"Yeah, but—"

"That don't sound like keeping things civil to me. That sounds like it always does when it comes to you."

Ellie narrowed her eyes at him, daring him to continue. "What's that supposed to mean?" she said. Joel opened his mouth, clearly hesitant to speak, so she egged him on, wanting to know what he really thought about her. Bracing herself, she spoke without really knowing what she was going to say. "I'm not you're daughter, okay? I can handle it."

It was as if all reason had flown right out of her head, lost in the red haze that was her brisk anger. She hated speaking the words, regretting them almost as soon as they left her mouth.

It worked, though.

Like a snap of the fingers, Joel's face was instantly closed off, the slight pinching of his face that came with his distaste for the current situation no longer present. There was no hesitation this time as he spoke, an eerie, sinking feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. "You're a beacon for trouble. It don't matter what you do, trouble always finds its way to you."

She would never admit this to anyone, but his words had sliced straight through her heart like a switchblade, the pain swirling around her chest and clenching hard. His tone projected nothing but a hopeless truth. Hopeless in that she was unable to defeat this unfortunate fate he deemed her to have, that no matter how much work she put into herself to make herself better and her situations better, she would always be doomed to failure.

She swallowed thickly, her throat getting tight against the rise of unease clawing its way up her throat. She wanted nothing more than to escape this situation.

Ellie's hands came together, wringing themselves together in a fidgety way. The distance between them grew as her feet started taking her backward, toward the entrance of the building.

Joel's eyes never left hers, the cold vacancy only solidifying the brutal truth of his words. Before she turned around completely, leaving him alone in the vacant hallway, she spoke her own truth in that moment.

"You're a real asshole. You know?"

And it was like a flip of the switch again. His hazel eyes focused on her as if just now realizing that she was walking away, and his thick eyebrows knitted together. She could read the regret at his own honesty plain on his face, him doing nothing to hide it from her, but she needed to get out of there now.

Ellie turned her back on him, her feet picking up the pace and surging her forward down the long hallway, away from her pain and toward her solitude.

"Ellie! El— Come back." The pleading in his tone rang through her ears long after she raced out of the building. It followed her as she ran clumsily through town, her red-rimmed eyes earning herself a few stares from the folks walking down the streets, going about their own business. No one tried to approach her, to ask her if she was okay or what was wrong, and she preferred it that way.

There was a place she liked to go to when she wanted to be alone, a place no one so far had found her in. It was an abandoned building in the back corner of the bordered town, one she had found while exploring the place when she'd first come to live here.

She started heading in that direction now, only just realizing how she'd forgotten her coat in her abrupt exit. She didn't care, though, as she ran against the biting cold until her sides started burning from the force of herself, pushing through it, unrelenting in her pace.

It's funny how when she had initially left the room with Jacob and Chuck and Joel, she'd wanted him to call her back to him, to not let her slip between his fingers. Now that she'd finally heard the words, though, it only made her want to run away faster.

* * *

 **I imagine after two years of bonding in this town, they've gotten relatively comfortable with their family dynamic and know their boundaries. They hardly ever pushed them before because there was never a reason to, but Jacob and Marco coming into the setting at a confusing and stressful time for Ellie is the start of this story, and born is the drama of the next few months in Ellie and Joel's lives.**


	3. It Is Gonna Run Out

The freezing night air whipped against Ellie's face as she leisurely strolled up to her house. All the lights were off, the image like one of those haunted houses she'd seen in one of her comics, but she doubted the other occupant of the house was asleep. As she sauntered up the rickety stairs onto her porch, she couldn't help but feel a little scared at facing Joel again.

She'd had a lot of time to think, and she spent most of that time being angry, finding the switchblade she'd stashed away in her secret hideaway and repeatedly tossing it into the bark of a tree.

 _Stupid Jacob_ _._ A quiet whistle had pierced through the air as she'd hurled the knife into the tree. _Stupid_ _Marco_ _._ Her feet had dragged her over to the knife, harshly plucking it free. _Stupid Joel._ She'd cried out in anger as she'd stabbed the tree, over and over, plucking away at the falling bark.

It was easy to let loose there in that secluded spot because no one was judging her. She wasn't hurting anyone, or breaking any property that didn't belong to her; she was taking her bottled up, hormone-riddled emotions out on that bland tree, and to her, that was okay.

Even if she was imagining people's faces as she cut into the hard oak.

Her rage could only fuel her so far, though, before she was spent, and after a tireless evening of out-letting on an innocent tree, she'd finally plopped down onto the grassy area outside the broken, derelict building she used as a secret hideaway. It was only then, once every little ounce of annoyance was poured out of her, did she let herself think about what had happened.

 _He hurt me._

It was so hard to not let that fact bother her because she knew he hadn't meant to. She'd known he regretted his words in the same way she regretted what she had said. And was it fair of her to be mad at him when she had anticipated what her words would do to him in the first place? It felt like getting mad at a snake for trying to bite her when she'd thrown a rock at it first.

The more she'd thought about it, the more she felt like she had no right to be mad at him. She felt foolish now for running away, a child's reaction. She was a teenager now, she should be acting like one.

Or was she?

Man, she really wanted to talk to Joel.

While she didn't want to get into the feminine aspects of her adolescent change, she did have general questions about teenagers, especially before the pandemic. What were they like? What did they spend their carefree days doing? When was all this change going to end, finally reaching a climax where she would evolve into the endgame of Ellie?

She didn't want to ask Maria these things. Honestly because she wanted to know more about Joel, and how he saw the world before, how he felt as a teenager. She'd often wondered what he was like when he went through his own change into adulthood. Her heart warmed with amusement whenever she thought about it, imagining him shorter and thinner, chasing his brother around their front yard.

He'd said something once about how he used to play football for fun, a game the kids around here had taken to doing in their spare time. It was basically just throwing a pig skin around and catching it, tackling each other in the process. It seemed boring to Ellie when she caught sight of a group of the younger kids tackling each other, nobody any good at actually catching the ball. Why add the ball into the mix if all they really ended up doing was knocking each other to the ground?

When she pictured Joel doing it though, and Tommy, she could practically see the flex in Joel's arms, the way the little veins seemed to pop out as he strained the skin around it, his dark eyebrows knitted together in concentration, bottom lip pulled in between his teeth as he threw the ball with all his might, the ball spiraling perfectly in a wondrous arc that soared high and far, finally landing in his younger brother's waiting grip.

It was like that a lot when she pictured a younger Joel. It didn't seem possible that he could be bad at anything that involved physical contact. It didn't seem possible that he could be bad at anything. The old man even beat her when they raced this morning, and she was definitely a fast runner!

The memory of this morning hit her hard, when things were light and he was uncharacteristically open with her. How had things gone so sour in the span of a few hours?

The only thing standing between her and some resolution was this thick, wooden door in front of her. Taking a deep breath, she grasped the door handle and pushed it in. A loud creaking reverberated throughout the house, sounding much louder than usual to her ears, she thought, making her cringe and pause. _If_ _Joel wasn't awake before, he is now._

Like ripping off a band-aid, she pushed it all the way open, making a face at the offending clamor. She hurried up and shut it behind her as gently as she could before taking in the darkness surrounding the hallway.

From her stance on the mat in front of the door, she could see into the living room, the shadows of their few pieces of furniture painting the floor as moonlight filtered through their curtainless living room window. It was a double wide window, taking up most of one wall with its transparency. A coffee table set in front of the long, lumpy sofa, its surface riddled with some of the comics she'd been trying to work her way through and some books on national monuments Joel had taken a nostalgic interest in.

She eased her way into the living room, detecting no sign of him as she glanced around the cluttered living room. Maybe he really was sleeping.

It was probably for the best. No doubt he was just as tired as she was at this day, just begging for it to be over with already.

Ellie glanced up at the ceiling, at the spot where her room was located just over top of where she was standing beside the sofa, and she thought about trudging her tired body up into her own room, her warm bed. _Eh,_ she shrugged. _Too far._

Instead, she took up space on the sofa, stretching her entire body along the length of its clunky surface. His heated words still bounced hollowly around in her head, a dark cloud tainting her jumbled mind.

 _"_ _It don't_ _matter what you do, trouble always finds it_ _s_ _way to you."_

It was true, though. It followed her like a bodiless stalker, sinister and unwanted. And it started from birth when she'd lost her mother; it stuck to her like glue as she was bounced from quarantine zone to quarantine zone, never staying long enough to form any friendships; it continued with Riley, when the only friend she'd ever gotten close to had to leave her so soon—too soon... It kept piling on thick when she got bit, the shit storm _that_ certain event sparked an entire collective mess in itself.

It's not like she'd gone looking to get herself into dangerous situations. The only thing that coursed through her mind right before disaster struck was just trying to be happy, to find companionship in those closest to her. Somehow—and there was a high chance she was cursed—she'd managed to lose every single person she ever cared for.

Almost everyone. Joel was her damn miracle, the only thriving relationship she'd managed to keep alive and unsullied.

Ellie's eyes grew heavy, and she didn't fight the need to close them, a yawn accompanying the exhausted feeling in her bones. It was a bit cool in the house; Joel must have forgotten to turn the heat on. The heater was all the way in the kitchen, though, as far away as her bed was in her mind—which was too far. _Oh, well._

She was really starting to regret running out of that hospital building without her coat now as she shrugged her lanky arms inside of her thin, long-sleeved shirt. She gasped softly when her chilly hands came into contact with her heated stomach, but she ignored the slight sting as she wrapped her arms around her torso, getting as comfortable as she could in the cool living room.

 _"You're a beacon for trouble."_

 _Not always,_ she thought softly to herself, finally answering Joel in the way she wished she could have in that moment.

 _I have you,_ _don't I?_

* * *

Boom, boom, boom.

 _Canons fired_ _from afar_ _as a_ _hail of gunfire spewed forth from the handgun attached to Ellie's outstretched hands_ _. S_ _he followed behind Joel,_ _right on his heels_ _,_ _taking out stray_ _runners_ _to clear a path for her partner in crime._

 _They were rushing across a long since_ _abandoned quarantine zone, gunfire roaring all around her from bandits set out to rip the clothes right from their backs. A bunch of animals, in her opinion. Unfortunately, their bantering bullet spraying attracted the attention of one too many_ _infected_ _, even a bloater lagged its way around the maze like street, knowing everyone wa_ _s around and trying its hardest to seek one out_ _._

 _She wasn't paying attention to_ _Joel_ _as she turned to the side, about to fire at a clicker who hadn't seen them yet, when she collided into his solid back_ _, grunting and falling to the floor. He spun around, his eyes lingering on her just long enough to grab her by the jacket, yanking her upright once more._

 _"Eyes open! Come on, through here," he said, ducking down and behind a road blocker._ _There was a wooden fence trapping them on this side of the town, and Joel pulled out his knife, getting to work on tearing the tough wood apart._ _Bullets whizzed over their heads, their location known_ _to the other living in the vicinity_ _. Summoning_ _strength and maybe a little stupidity_ _, she peeked over the b_ _arricade_ _and hoped she didn't get one between the eyes.  
_

 _"Joel!_ _Joel, th_ _ose fuckers are_ _coming!"_ _From this distance, the fast approaching blur of bodies storming their way reminded her a slithering snake, weaving in and out_ _of a wavy line_ _._

 _"Don't worry 'bout it, you know they can't reach us when the sky is green."_

 _True to his word, Ellie glanced overhead, taking in the splashed green of the sky, the whole 20 foot wide radius_ _around her shrouded in a murky, film like bubble, protecting them._ _She glanced over the border once more,_ _noting_ _how the men_ _were stopped now,_ _pac_ _ing_ _from side to side, the bubble she was in_ _ending_ _just at their feet._

 _Of course, how could she forget?_

 _Joel was still at work, chipping away at the wood_ _en barrier_ _with his knife, the slowest possible weapon he could have used._

 _"_ _You might wanna hurry the fuck up_ _," she said, taking note of the_ _slowly morphing change in_ _color in the sky. "It's almost red, and then the bubble will pop_ _."_

 _"_ _G_ _ot it!" h_ _e said, squeezing_ _himself_ _through a perfect circle_ _in the fence_ _that wasn't there a second ago. She followed him through, crawling along on her hands and knees to the other side just as the_ _atmos_ _phere_ _behind her exploded into a fiery red shower of sparks._

 _Ellie caught her breath, relieved at not having been shredded into a million pieces._ _"Man, you were cutting it real close—_ _"_

 _Her words caught in her throat as cool, hard metal was pressed against the side of her skull. Her first impulse was to jump around and knock the gun out of the person's hands, but she had no idea how to do that without getting shot_ _by the heavily armed ring of men she'd unknowingly crawled into_ _._

 _"Stand up," said a boy's voice as a hand fisted into_ _the collar of her coat_ _. Biting her cheek, she slowly raised_ _onto one knee b_ _efore pushing herself_ _tall, taking in the sight of Joel stood across from her, his position a mirror to hers._ _The people surrounding them had their guns and arrows_ _trained on Joel mostly, though the ones nearest to Ellie were staring ferociously at her, bloodthirsty or maybe hungry for something else..._

 _"It's alright,"_ _Joel_ _said_ _shakily_ _, but how could he mean that? They were completely_ _blind_ _sided_ _and with all the people they'd just taken down, she'd be lucky if her death was swift._

 _"Ain't that just sweet," said the person with their gun cocked at Joel's head. Ellie burned at the familiar voice, her body surging forward before the hand at her collar tightened, keeping her in place._

 _"I'm doing you a favor_ _." T_ _he words_ _whispered at her from behind, so gentle she wasn't sure she heard him right. A second later, she felt his slight tug on her coat as he began to subtly walk them backward, back from where she had crawled from._ _Confusion seeped into her bones, though she tried to remain outwardly calm. If she was right about the person behind her, then she had no clue what to think. How was he helping her? Why?_

 _Jacob jostled Joel in his grip like a rag doll_ _, grinning crazily as he kicked the back of Joel's legs harshly. He fell to his knees, groaning, his uncovered hands hitting the asphalt roughly. Ellie started once more, the hands on her collar like a chain around her neck._

 _"Okay! Message clear: you_ _call the shots. Quit being a dick," she said, watching as Joel slowly rose up, eyes only for her. There was defeat there, dulling his eyes from the_ _usual_ _spark of rage or concern which usually_ _brought humanity into his eyes_ _. There was nothing left but a silent apology._ I'm sorry.

 _Behind her, a_ _breathy,_ _defeated_ _sigh of_ _acceptance_ _sounded as their slow retreat came to a_ _resign_ _ing_ _stop_ _._

 _Jacob's eyes flew to hers, the_ _maniacal_ _gleam strong. Like a predator, he hunched over slightly, prowling over to her, gun raised aimless_ _ly_ _into the air. "Ain't this a real prize. Predator and prey, at it again_ _. See, before, you had me at a disadvantage. I_ _didn't see you_ _as the threat you were,_ _assumin_ _'_ _you too soft and girly to take on a man my size." He breathed a laugh, shaking his head from side to side. "But you sure as shit shocked the balls right off_ _me that day."_

 _He was standing before her now, tall and menacing, nothing like that time in the woods when she'd deemed him_ _too cowardly to be a threat_ _._ _She realized in this moment, with her blood pumping loudly to her ears_ _over the sound of flames licking and fire spreading from the explosion, that that same cowardice was what made him so deadly._

 _It felt like a_ _cosmic joke to Ellie. This couldn_ _'t be the way she went—_ _not at the hands of a coward who passed out at a mere calf injury_ _;_ _not when she'd already been to hell and back countless times, escaping with barely her life each time;_ _not when Joel was standing ten feet in front of her, about to watch the second daughter in his life die at the hands of another._

 _Jacob_ _shuffled_ _behind her, shoving Marco aside into her line of sight. He didn't look at her as he went to stand behind Joel, gun trained dutifully on the back of his head._

 _And Joel. His_ _hazel_ _eyes were wide in anticipation, understanding what was happening and yet hoping against hope that he was wrong._ _Jacob shoved his gun against her temple, much rougher than Marco had. At this, he couldn't keep it together anymore._

 _"Hey! You asshole, if you wanna_ _spill some blood, take mine. Ya_ _ain't much of a man if y_ _a_ _take out a defenseless, little girl. I'm—I'm what you want._ _Right here._ _"_

 _His heartfelt words didn't mean anything_ _ultimately_ _. He knew it as that fiery rage that had crept into his eyes upon seeing the gun aimed at her head began to recede once more, his eyes very nearly dead_ _with the loss of hope._ _S_ _he_ _knew it as her entire body trembled, angry at the world_ _for_ _belittling her and Joel's last moments alive._ _B_ _ut_ _she also knew he had to try._

Boom, boom, boom.

 _No_ _one'_ _s_ _eyes flitted around, searching for the source of the canon_ _-_ _like sounds. This moment was everything._

 _Jacob cackled crudely at Joel's words, the gun banging against her head painfully with the force of his laughter. Then he brought_ _his lips down to her ear, the disgust with which she associated with him making her shrivel in_ _repulse_ _._

 _"You got the_ _best'a_ _me last time. Won't make that mistake twice."_

 _His parting words. Ellie let her eyes slide closed, the blank emptiness_ _a_ _better_ _sight_ _than Joel's already_ _checked out gaze_ _. His heart-wrenching cry was the last thing she heard before the sound of the_ _canon_ _fires signaled again._

 _Boom, boom, boom._

Ellie flew awake with a rattling start, her sharp inhale the only sound in the quiet living room. The fiery battle scene that was fresh in her mind was swapped of its polar opposite as she focused on the present. Calm resonated through the still living room, a harsh ray of sunlight shining in through the window, taking the moonlights vacant spot.

 _Boom, boom, boom._

She shrieked loudly, a hand flying to her mouth before she realized: it was only the door. _Jeez, El, get a fucking grip._ Ellie tossed the blanket off her and sat upright, yawning and stretching her arms high over her head. Her eyes slid down to the blanket, confused momentarily, knowing she didn't have one when she passed out last night. Her heart squeezed.

The knocking on the door broke through her thoughts once more, boosting her onto her feet to quell the agitating sound. Unable to shake the violent emotions from her dream, she quickly grabbed the aluminum bat out from behind the couch as she inclined her head toward the door, taking steady steps.

"Who is it?"

A slight scraping, the softest of sighs. Hesitance. "It—it's Marco? We, uh, we met yesterday." With no visual to go with the audio, it was easier for her to pick up on the slightly weird way he spoke, his accent different than most of those she'd encountered. It was very faint, but it was easier to hear when it was the only aspect of him to focus on.

What the hell was he doing here? Without meaning to, her eyes flitted upstairs momentarily, wondering if she should get Joel. A mediator did not sound like a bad idea, and she knew Joel would appreciate the gesture of good will.

Was he even home? He didn't have to go down to the fences until—

"Oh, yeah," Marco said through the door, voice stronger than before. "He said to tell you that Joel sent me."

At the mention of his name, and the confusion swirling around her mind, she finally opened the door. Marco backed up a step as the door flew open, hands slowly raising in a peace offering. The first thing that drew her attention was the swell of his cheek, the angry red patch from yesterday beginning to turn blue under his eye. She'd never actually witnessed the injuries she'd inflicted on people, said people usually dying within moments of receiving her wrath. Yet in the span of two days, she'd managed to get the upper hand on two people who lived to show her the damage.

Suffice it to say it didn't exactly make her feel good. Not with the boy in front of her, at least. In actuality, he'd done nothing to deserve it, and didn't even seek revenge for the bruise. Jacob, on the other hand, didn't draw any feelings of sympathy from her; that asshole deserved what he'd gotten.

She could tell he was uncomfortable in the way he kept tugging the sleeves of his hoodie down past his hands, searching eyes flickering behind her into the house and back to her as if he didn't know what to expect. When he glanced down at her side, though, he stopped with the fidgeting, an incredulous look on his face.

"I was trying to treat yesterday as an isolated incident, but I'm starting to think going on the offense is just how you operate."

"What—?" she said, grasping her hand on the bat— _oh_.

Glancing down at the weapon, she chuckled to herself, setting it back down behind the door. "I swear I don't always answer the door like a mad woman. I just … I had a dream. A nightmare, actually, and it's a crazy thing because you were in it."

His thick eyebrows shot up. "I must have left quite the impression if I'm starring in your nightmares after one time of meeting." His arms folded across his chest, and he tilted his head at her. "What did I do in your dream?"

Ellie tried to think back, the dream so vivid moments ago. All she could remember now were hazy images and feelings, the dream slipping away from her consciousness. "I don't really remember now. I just remember the sky being green, weirdly enough, and you were there, and Joel, and your dad," she couldn't help the twinge of revulsion as she mentioned his dad, "… and I died."

"Wow," Marco said, gaze sliding down to his tapping foot. "I really hope I wasn't the one to do that. I've never killed anyone, and I'm not about to start knocking off little girls just for kicks."

Ellie honed in on his words, not missing his confession. "You've never killed anyone?" It seemed impossible to her that someone his age had still managed to keep a key aspect of their innocence. It was a kill or be killed world outside of those quarantine zones, a fact she'd never fully grasped until she made her trek across the country a couple years back.

Marco glanced up at her incredulous tone, the sharpness in his brown eyes making her uncomfortable. He seemed awfully receptive, and she felt a little violated by his scrutinizing gaze.

One of his eyebrows arched. "Have you?"

No way. She wasn't doing this, not with a virtual stranger.

The glint in his soft eyes, though... She could tell that he already knew the answer to his question, and she cursed herself for letting her guard down momentarily.

Instead of voicing what they both knew was the truth of her answer, she straightened, trying to put on a stern face. "What are you doing here?"

He stared at her a moment more, studying, before he blinked, going back to his casual self, like her unvoiced confession was something simple, like she'd merely told him that she liked to eat sweets. "Right. So, my dad and I got a late night house call last night courtesy of the resident of this house. Joel," he added unnecessarily. "We all sat down and talked about what happened between you and my dad, and between you and me, and we sorted through a lot of things. It was very positive, mostly."

Joel was at his house last night? Was he even upstairs when she got in? She thought about how chilly the house was, and the way he didn't wake up at the insanely loud door creaking, and decided that he was never even home. But he must have come in at some point because she woke up warm and under the safety that blanket had to offer. Was he avoiding her? That wasn't really like him. Usually he tried to seek her out to patch things up.

Once again, she glanced behind her warily, searching the second story landing for any sight of him. Was he listening to them?

She turned back to Marco, furrowing her brows. It annoyed her that they had the discussion without her, Joel knowing damn well just how much she wanted to be there. "What do you mean, 'mostly positive'?"

She had no doubt Jacob had gone all alpha male at Joel, trying to set his dominance like a wolf pack leader. Joel wouldn't've stood for that, and he could scare the smirks off of any man when he wanted to. Ellie smiled internally to herself, wishing she could have been there for that.

One of Marco's hands flew up to the back of his head, scratching at the messy, dark curls there. "Listen, I know we started off a little rocky yesterday. And I guess I can see why you did what you did." He sighed and dropped his hand, meeting her eyes sheepishly. "I shouldn't have threatened you. It was stupid, I know, but it's a habit. When I meet people, I try to keep it distant, safe, and maybe I thought I could get away with being a little tough." He scoffed at himself, rubbing a hand through the barely there stubble on his chin, nowhere near as gruff as Joel's, but enough to noticeably darken his jawline. "But you don't seem like one of the bad guys."

Ellie _hmmphed_ , letting her distaste known. "What makes you say that?" He'd referred to her as a little girl, and her body thrummed with annoyance at the thought of him not taking her seriously. She wasn't one of the bad guys—at least she didn't see herself that way—but what made _him_ so sure?

Marco's fingers were tapping against his thigh, a distinct motion of pattern, and she wondered idly if he knew how to play the guitar. The bouncing motion was something Ellie herself had picked up after Joel had taught her a few songs on the guitar he'd given her not too long after they came here.

"For one, Joel spoke very highly of you, and coming from him, that means something to me. I've met Maria a few times, and Tommy. As far as leaders go, they're some pretty fair ones. Caring. I've never been in a place like this that accepted people without trying to control them." Marco looked out into the street in front of the house, squinting at past memories. "He'd said he had a brother, and at first I just couldn't reconcile the fact. I mean, _that_ guy? The five-foot-ten guy with the scarred up knuckles and murderous look on his face? I thought, how could these two seemingly opposite men be brothers?"

Ellie never had a family: no parents, no brothers and sisters. It was just her and her backpack for a long while. The walkman she'd jacked from one of her good friends in one of the many military prep schools she went to was next. Her joke book from Riley came later. Riley's pendant... Most precious to her, though, was the note and switchblade from her mother, the only scraps of material that ever touched her mom's hands besides Ellie's infant body.

Her family consisted of artifacts left behind from those she loved. She had no idea how family was supposed to act.

Marco glanced at her, eyes gentle. His entire being radiated an innocence Ellie hadn't seen in a long time, despite the hard front he tried to project.

"Then Joel came over. He was definitely rough around the edges, but I could feel his desire to just push past all this nonsense, to go back to his day to day life. Instead of verbally assaulting me some more like I thought he was there to do, he said he wanted to talk—no tricks, no fighting, just a civil discussion amongst men."

"Men?" Ellie scoffed, unable to contain her disdain for being left out. "Your beard is looking a little dry."

She couldn't help herself.

Marco stared at her for a moment, unsure if he heard her right. Self consciously, he reached up to touch his beard, petting it softly. "Ouch," he said, looking annoyed. Then he puffed his cheeks and let the air slide out. "Okay," he said mostly to himself. "Joel warned me that you were a bit of a character." _Of course he did._ "Basically, he just asked me to come over and talk to you, to try to get us on some good terms."

Oh, now she saw. Ellie chuckled, bracing her hand against the door, leaning her head against it.

This was Joel's not so subtle way to try to recruit her some friends.

The embarrassment tore at Ellie more than anything, feeling like the dull blade in the cache all of a sudden, like she couldn't get her own friends. This wasn't even the first time he tried this, though he hadn't tried in a long while. One by one, some of the older kids (the ones deemed decent enough by Joel) had stepped up to her, initiating conversation. The problem was she couldn't relate to any of them. Most of them had lived behind walls all their lives, only knowing the safety of a well-protected town behind fences.

And anyway, she didn't want friends! She didn't need them now that she thought about it. She'd fantasized about it yesterday, but maybe she really could talk to Joel about her growing change. Besides, it was just another person to tear at her heart when they eventually left.

As she gave Marco a once over, seeing him in a new light, one where he could possibly become a friend to her, anxiety niggled in the back of her mind. Marco was different, she could tell. He was incredibly intuitive, something she admired more than she cared to admit. Not only that, but he'd overlooked her childish retorts and inability to keep her anger in check, accepting it as a part of her. And he'd been on the outside. He may not have killed anyone, but there's no way he could have been out there and not have at least _witnessed_ some brutality.

He was different than the other kids. The thing that had her on edge though was how easily she could see them becoming friends.

Trying to shake off the itching feeling, she nodded her head politely. "Okay, sure. You're forgiven. And you already said I'm forgiven, so we're good now? We're done?"

She didn't know what she was expecting, but when his shoulders sagged slightly in relief, she took it to mean that he was relieved they didn't have to do any actual bonding, that she was letting him off the hook. She didn't know why the thought irritated her.

"Cool. Alright." He clasped his hands together in front of him, clearly appeased with himself. "Just so you know, you're not going to get an apology from my dad." His tone was regretful. "He's just … it's not his style. He never thinks he's wrong, but in this case, even I have a hard time standing by him."

"Hmm. There's hope for you yet," she said. Marco gave her look of disapproval, but overlooked it just as quickly, his lips lifting on one side.

"I guess I'll catch you later." Marco began to back up, sidestepping it down the porch stairs.

"Hopefully I'll be able to see you through the ten heads in our school room."

Marco chuckled, his eyes crinkling on the sides. "You're a riot," he said, and then started jogging down the street, toward his own house. Ellie watched his receding back all the way until he turned a corner and she could no longer see him anymore, then she carefully shut the door, pressing her back against it.

This certainly was not how she imagined her morning going.

Her eyes automatically flew toward the upstairs landing, and she pushed herself off the door, the pitter-patter of her feet hitting the steps double time as she rushed her way to Joel's room, carefully nudging it open. Dust particles floated around in the streak of sunlight that hit the floor by her feet, and she swatted them out of her face as she stepped inside the otherwise shadowy room. Joel's heavy blue comforter was draped over the bottom edge of his bare mattress, messy as always. Ellie inched over to the fabric, lifting it between her fingers. It was cold to the touch.

There was hardly anything personal of his in the room, even after two years of it being occupied. A dresser set tall against the wall, filled with a bunch of impersonal clothing. On a lone chair in the corner of the room sat his backpack, bulging with weapons Joel never felt comfortable giving up. He'd wanted protection in the house despite the relative calm the town lived in, bandits never managing to fight their way past the well-protected front gates. His clothes and backpack were about the only two things in the decrepit room that suggested there was a person living in here.

Well, there was one other thing.

It was beneath the pillow, on the left side where Joel usually took up his space. He always found his way over to the left side, no matter if Ellie snuck in there on her nightmare nights or not; there was always an empty space beside him when he slept, as if he were waiting for someone. She knew he'd been married, a time so far away the cordyceps hadn't even been around to break that relationship apart. Something had happened, though. Something so painful he never spoke to her about it.

Ellie ambled over to the head of the bed, settling herself down near the pillow, and gently lifted it, picking up the frayed-at-the-edges photograph.

Joel's hearty, genuine smile always struck her as a great tragedy whenever she saw it in this photo. It was a young, carefree grin that this world would never see again, not at this capacity. It was true that he was lighter these days, the harsh life he'd lived for 20 years and the deep mental wounds long since cut into him only just beginning a healing process once he'd come to live with family, the safety of a life he'd built here sofarwithstanding. Slowly over time, she'd noticed little changes in him; like the time he came home and told her a joke, laughing sincerely about it with her. Or the times he would tell her stories about Sarah, reaching a point where he eventually stopped breaking off in the middle of the story because it got to be too much for him.

 _Sarah_. Ellie's index finger slid down the photograph, briefly passing over Sarah's victorious grin. She didn't really see a resemblance between the pale, blue-eyed blonde with the upturned nose, and the sun tanned brunette of a man holding onto her. Maybe the resemblance laid with her mother, the mysterious woman Joel had fallen for in his youth.

Was this what she looked like? Was Sarah's mother the woman Joel still longed for?

Or maybe it was that other girl, the one she'd met when she'd first met Joel. Tess. They'd never outright displayed any signs of affection, but she could feel the weight of Tess's death hang over Joel deeply, and that last moment of that woman's life was filled with heartbreaking tension, Joel heeding her last wish and continuing to care for Ellie despite all his senses telling him to do otherwise.

She'd really liked Tess, even aspired to be someone like her if she ever got the chance to live long enough.

She sighed loudly, dropping back onto the bed with a bounce, holding the picture out before her in her outstretched hand. Joel didn't know she knew he kept this under his pillow; she'd just stumbled across it while trying to get comfortable one night, her hand sliding under the pillow only to come into contact with the tattered picture. No, this was his little secret, and she wanted to keep it that way.

She hated fighting with Joel, and it wasn't something that happened often. The next talk they had would no doubt be their make up talk, the way it always was, but the waiting period was pure torture.

Ellie blinked and realized with a start that the shining sun had left the room, too high in the sky to angle light beaming inside the dark room. It was almost noon, almost time for her shift.

She pushed herself upright, squinting out the window. She'd really hoped to patch things up with Joel before she went out there. Despite all the safety measures her group took to make sure no one fell victim out there, mistakes happened, and some people went out and never came back. The thought of that happening to her and the last thing she said to Joel being something so mean... It made her nauseous.

As she put the tender photo back under Joel's pillow and started to head out, she tried to calm her jittery nerves. _Nothing's gonna happen, anyway. You can hold out for another six hours. What's the worst that could happen, you get bit_ _? Ha!_

Feeling just a shade lighter, she grabbed her spare jacket—the ugly one that she didn't like wearing because it made her skin itchy—and bounded out the door, prepared and hopeful.

* * *

Tommy's strong voice projected over the wide expanse the group was scattered in, trying to reach everyone's ear in the immediate vicinity.

"Alright, gang. Let's call it a day. Good work."

In eerie unison, everyone around Ellie in the dim forest turned on their heels, walking back toward the path that circled around to bring them back home. She shuffled her backpack higher on her shoulder and followed.

The sun hung low over the mountains, peeking through the trees right in front of them. She had to lift her arm to her eyes to block out the brunt of the light. Some of her comrades had hats pulled low over their heads, not needing to sacrifice their weapon holding for their sight. Maybe she should get a hat.

As she glanced over at the person nearest to her, a woman she'd sometimes buddied off with when they split into pairs, she almost began to ask where she could get a hat. It's not like they had a room full of clothes people could sift through, searching for extra wear like in Boston. People had clothes that they'd come here with, and maybe if they found a few friendly families in town, they'd share amongst each other. Surely this woman would know someone with a cap lying around.

Before she even opened her mouth, Ellie's attention was diverted to a shadow that darted from behind the trees on their side, from one clunky tree to the next. Quietly, not wanting to alert the others for fear of clueing the figure into knowing they were spotted, she dropped her arm from her eyes, grabbing onto her bow with two hands and lifting stealthily toward the tree. She hunched over, trying to keep her steps light as she treaded delicately across the dry leaves, the crunch of their crack minimal.

She slowed at her approach, heart racing and pumping loudly in her ears as she strained to hear past the sound of her team's callous footfalls. It could be she'd lucked into another deer, maybe even that one that had gotten away from her the last time she was out in these woods. They were near the spot she'd had her unfriendly encounter with David, after all. Ellie really hoped that was the case.

She held her position, waiting for the prey to jump out from behind the thickly moss covered tree. Her group was growing farther and farther, away from her stationary position. Maybe she should have alerted the woman, at least; had someone here to watch her back...

A surprised screamed echoed the forest from behind her, from her group, and her head swiveled in that direction. _No._

She glanced ahead of her to the trees once more, one last time, nausea tightening low in her stomach at the shadowy figure she thought she'd seen. Something was happening.

The swarm of alarmed voices won out over the shadowy figure, and she took off running for her group. Her breath came out in little pants, loud to her ears as she ran through the woods, dodging fallen trees and bushes that blocked her straight path. The noise from the leaves was loud as she came up on her group, but it didn't matter now that she was with them.

The first thing she noticed was a percentage of her small group formed haphazardly in a misshapen circle, faces contorted in fear and confusion—sorrow. The majority of her group were facing toward the woods, guns drawn, eyes focused and unwavering to any unseen threats despite the air of confusion that permeated. Tommy and Maria had trained an excellent militia team.

Ellie let her arm fall, bow hanging loosely by her side as she jogged up to the circle, squeezing her way through. The telltale sign of a runner sounded in her ears the closer she got to the middle, her hands tightening on her weapon. Why weren't they doing anything?

She moved to jump out past the last layer of people, right into the center when an arm came down in front of her, halting her. Ellie glanced up at the woman blocking her, one eyebrow arched.

"What the fuck is—"

"Don't," the woman said. Something in her tone, the way it quivered, sounded out of place to Ellie, the sound making her stomach coil even tighter. It was defeat.

Ellie shoved the woman's arm out of the way, but proceeded forward more cautiously than before. The lady didn't try to stop her again. It's a damn good thing she'd moved slowly, too, for when she finally broke through her stationary comrades, she stopped along with them.

It was a small hole on the surface of the ground, jagged around the edges, but it led to a deepness unfitting for the small circle it was made to appear to be. The human cries she'd heard earlier tainted her ears no more, replaced by the revolting, squishing sounds of intestines being ripped from an unlucky body. From what little Ellie could see into the abyss, it was one of her team down there, a guy she'd recognized but never really gotten to know, down there and stuck with a runner. He kept to himself mostly, spending all his time with his family.

 _Oh, shit._ His family. What were they supposed to go back and say now? _Sorry, kids,_ _daddy's not coming home for dinner—ever_ _._ Rage flowed through her veins, sick and tired of seeing families torn apart. _Fuck that._

Ellie gazed around the jagged circle, only now seeing Tommy peering into the hole, just barely holding himself up on his hands and knees. She couldn't see his face, and she was glad for that. Tommy looked after these people like they were a bunch of extended families of his own, he cared for them and he carried a responsibility for their safety in doing that. Whenever he lost one, it was a personal failure for him.

How did this happen?

The sound of the runner's sick sounds finally got to Ellie, and she brought the bow up aggressively, aiming it on the violently thrashing head of the runner and let loose. A final shriek rose up from the ground before a soft _plop_ —and then silence.

Nobody said a word. What was there to be said? Ellie had a few things to say, but this was not the time for her harsh questions, demands of, _how did this happen, and why?_

One thing she knew for sure was that this was intentional. Someone had taken the time to dig this hole that no one could climb out from and they did it with this exact result in mind. But why? There was no ambush, so what were they after?

The tight coil around her stomach never lessened as the group finally accepted what had happened and set for home, not a single person with their weapon down this time. They were prepared for anything now.

Somberness followed the air around them, and anxiety gnawed at Ellie. Whatever just happened wasn't the last of it, she feared, and something Joel had said a long time ago came back to her now, in full force.

 _"It's called luck, and it is gonna run out."_

Those words had never felt so ominous to her than they did right now.

* * *

 **So, something sinister is brewing beyond the walls of their safe little town. I feel like they can't go up against bandits all the time without gaining at least a few enemies. It seems as though the enemies are getting smarter now.  
**

 **I really appreciate how you guys are liking this story because I wasn't too sure how it was going to be received. I mean, there are so many amazing writers on here, and I feel a bit clumsy if I'm honest. I just hope to evoke some feeling and tell a decent story about characters that are very dear to me. Thank you so much if you're taking the time to read this story and follow it. I've got some cute little scenes with Ellie and Joel, and Ellie and other characters that I can't wait to share!**


	4. Day Changes

**Helloooooo! First off, I am so sorry for not having updated in a long while. I got a bit stuck and it was a tough break, but I've been continuously working on this and finally feel ready to get back into this! Honestly, I think all the new tlou part 2 talks at PSX has sucked me back into this head on, and I've missed my favorite family duo. The next chapter will not take as long to update as this one did, so please bear with my schedule!**

* * *

Chaos erupted at the front gates upon their arrival, Tommy's anger having finally found its outlet throughout the short trek home.

He'd radioed back to his men at the gate to round up the rest of their militia, the ones who weren't on defense duty, and to meet him at the front gates. He'd also instructed for a couple of people to go down to their fallen comrade's house, keep his widow and children calm and far from the clamor that was bound to form at their arrival. Tommy wanted to tell them himself, in private.

And he was right about their arrival. As the last of the group trudged inside within the safety of the walls, the front gates were shut closed, a foreboding boom resounding that had her on edge. A large group was scattered around in a loose circle, faces tight with apprehension. Ellie watched as Trevor, one of Tommy's most reliable men and close friend to him, hopped down from the top of the gates, striding over to Tommy who led their group.

"What the fuck happened? Are you guys all right?" He stopped in front of Tommy, placing a hand on his shoulder, and gave him a once over. Tommy patted his arm reassuringly and stepped away, gaze down.

"Did ya take care of that thing I told ya to do?" The words were hushed, quiet from Tommy's taught lips. Trevor nodded hurriedly, fuzzy eyebrows furrowing impatiently.

"Yeah, yeah, Mark's family is good. Just— What's goin' on?"

Tommy sighed, eyes closing in relief at the knowledge that the fresh widow and her two kids were being tended to. Everyone was so damn weary at this point, loss being a part of daily life and yet never getting any easier.

When he opened his eyes, he jumped on top of one of the huge crates stacked against the wall and gazed around at his militia. Men and women alike, and Ellie—the youngest and only kid on the team—gave Tommy their undivided attention as he finally spoke.

"This community that we have here … that we fight for everyday … it means something; to us, to the generation after us, and to this damn world even if they don't know it. We protect each other, and we carry on what it means to be human." Tommy paused, a shaky breath passing through his lips. From this distance, practically right under his nose, she could hear the pain in that little take of air, the way it got caught in his throat. Ellie turned her gaze down.

"We lost one of our own tonight."

It was a bit strange how formal this whole thing was. Usually, when they lost someone, it was more than one because of the scale of the ambushes, and Tommy just came back and went straight to the families of those we'd lost—if they had any family to tell. There was never an emergency meeting that ensued, forcing their band of strongest people to succumb to worry and alertness. But it was needed now, and Ellie knew that. Tommy must have, too.

"I wish that were the only bit of bad news I had for ya," he said, and the soft mumbles that had aroused at the mention of a fallen member quieted, no one expecting that anything could be worse than that. "See, this was an attack on us. We're being watched."

Ellie glanced up at him, her eyebrows furrowing. Watched? The thought hadn't occurred to her, but now that he mentioned it, it made sense. She knew that hole was dug with the intent to trap, but the thought of someone scoping them out made the little hairs on her neck stand up, and involuntarily, her head swiveled toward the trees peeking out over the front gates. Were they watching their little town right now?

A few people from the crowd couldn't hold their tongue anymore, and questions rang out, piercing through the night air like arrows toward Tommy.

"Who was it?"

"The hell we doin' standing around for? Let's fuckin' do somethin'!"

"We oughta be comin' up with a plan. I don't like this not knowin' shit. We gotta prepare ourselves."

Agitation swam through the crowd, getting more and more pronounced as more people voiced their opinions. They were scared, and they'd never been blindsided so quietly and as subtle as they had just now, and no one knew how to react.

"Alright, alright, reign it in," Tommy said, tapping his foot against the crate loudly. Gradually, the noise quieted, the focus going back to Tommy once more. "I know you guys have a lot of questions, but for tonight I just want more men out on the walls; we can't have any inch of this place unprotected. I'm gonna spend the night talking with Maria, figuring out the game plan, and in the morning, I'll have something for ya. Now, I know it's not ideal, but try and work with us here."

Tommy nodded once more, and then hopped down, motioning for Trevor to follow him. They headed toward Mark's house to deliver the terrible news, and with their leader finally gone, the rest of the group dispersed, talking amongst themselves and splitting off into groups to man the walls. Through the intensity the lighting the makeshift spotlights encased the front area with, it was hard to miss the looks of confusion and worry etched into every single one of their faces.

Ellie sighed and rubbed at her eyes, the day's events weighing harshly on her. She was nearly alone now, left behind as the others paired off or went off with their loved ones. As she started walking home alone, she tried to ignore the pang in her heart.

She'd yet to talk to Joel, and that, too, brought her down. If she could just skip over the whole making up part and the apologies and go straight to the talking, that would be fucking perfect because she wanted to talk about what had happened. And that figure in the woods... there was no mistaking what it was now.

 _Maybe I should just follow Tommy, tell him what I saw. He should know all the—_

"Ellie!"

A shaky breath escaped her cool lips as the familiar voice called to her from somewhere ahead in the darkness. With just the sound of his voice, her spirits began to lift, and with it, the dam that blocked her emotions from bursting forth rose up.

Her eyes searched frantically through the now minimal lighting she had since walking farther into town, away from the brightest of lights at the entrance gates. She didn't see him clearly until he was a few feet away, his worried face coming into view first. He slowed his run and braced his hands against her shoulders as he crashed into her, jostling her.

"What happened? I heard abo— Are you okay?"

Joel's words were panicked, his heavy panting loud from a foot away from her. His intense eyes were wider than usual as he frantically shook her from side to side, inspecting her body for any damage that could have come. Ellie let him do his evaluation, taking her own comfort in being looked after for a moment, missing the day she'd spent away from him. It was only a day, but it sure as shit felt like weeks.

"I'm not hurt. It wasn't me."

At her soft words, he finally calmed a little, reigning in the madman that still thrived within him at times. He was relieved, and she didn't know if that made them bad people for feeling relief on a night when they'd lost a valued member of their community. His hands slid away from her shoulders, leaving them cold to the night air.

"Come on. We'll talk inside," he said, leading the way to their house. Ellie followed compliantly.

They walked toward their house in silence, an eerie calm sprinkling over the town. It got like this on those unfortunate days when they took a hit to their population count, not a person around who had the gall to revel in a time like this one.

Ellie noticed the tense stance in Joel's shoulders as he rushed ahead of her, head swiveling from side to side every so often as though on guard. It felt like the opposite of yesterday morning when they'd raced these very same streets, letting a weight off their shoulders for just a moment.

They walked into their house and went straight to the kitchen, Ellie stalking forth to an empty chair and grabbing a comic from the side. The whole house was decorated with them the way she left them hanging around. It came in handy now as she focused all her energy on the pages she'd read a thousand times already.

It was always like this. She'd wanted to talk to him all day and now that he was right in front of her, leaning taut against the sink, ready, she hesitated.

He knew this. That's why he took a deep breath now, leading the conversation.

"I ain't seen ya since yesterday," he said carefully, testing the waters. "Whatchu been up to?"

She thought about answering him, but her impatience got the best of her. She dropped the reading façade and faced him, leaning back in her chair. "Where were you last night?"

He didn't move a muscle, and she thought for a moment that he might lie to her. "Jacob's." Before she could retort, he plowed on. "But you knew that."

She spoke through thin lips, very formal like. "I did."

It was a little dance between them, Ellie's eyes rolling around every little object in the small room, all the while Joel's gaze was focused solely on her, making her feel just that much more awkward.

"You wanna keep looking for a way out, I won't stop you. I know you've had a difficult night, and yesterday..." he trailed off, Ellie getting the feeling that he blamed her sour mood on him. He was partly right.

Joel huffed in frustration, pushing himself off the sink and moving the chair out of the table beside her. He plopped down onto the empty chair, laying himself into it, molding himself. She sneaked a peek at him, noting his eyes were closed. One of his elbows rested on the table as his hand covered his face, a deep sigh leaving his weary body. He was always so damned tired.

He dropped his hand, and Ellie's eyes flew to the comic before her again as he spoke.

"You were right, ya know." Her eyebrows furrowed the tiniest bit, wondering what he was talking about. He cleared his throat, uncomfortable; he never did feel comfortable talking about his feelings no matter how close they'd gotten. She suspected it was just a Joel thing, that he was like this even before. "I'm a real asshole, sometimes."

Oh. _That._

She could feel her cheeks warm up with the slight embarrassment she felt from that moment of anger yesterday. She didn't really mean it, but it felt real to her when her anger had peaked, clouding over her judgment.

"You were right, too."

Joel looked confused for only a moment before he caught on, much quicker than she had. His head was already shaking in protest. "Now, that ain't right. I shouldn't'a said all that—"

"But it's true," Ellie cut in, not wanting to hear apologies. "My whole life I've felt like someone had it out for me, like some invisible force was trying to make my life as lonely as they could, tearing away everyone I've ever known. It never really occurred to me that _I_ might have been the invisible force; that _I_ could be the reason they're biting the dust now."

When she'd voiced her revelation, Joel sighed to himself, a sigh that seemed to pain him. His eyebrows were knitted together, features pinched with self-loathing as a hand rubbed against his forehead. He knew how she struggled with her guilt, he knew this, and she knew it bothered him. He didn't say as much, but he had told her once how none of this was on her, that she had to keep finding something to fight for. It wasn't easy for her to do that, not like it was for him, and she knew that annoyed him, that he couldn't take away the pain she felt no matter how hard he tried.

Joel leaned forward in his chair, getting right up in her personal space. She only backed up, leaning against the back of the chair. His eyes were intense on hers as he tried to reach her.

"Listen to me. Bad things happen to everyone, and I'm not saying that to lessen the weight of your losses; I just want you to know that we've all been where you are. I guarantee you every man and woman still making it in this world have had a moment just like this where they blamed themselves for ending up alone, or for not bein' able to protect their loved ones. But you're different. You're different because you have someone here to tell you these things. Matter of fact, I like to think you're some kind of special."

A wet chuckle escaped Ellie's lips then, the sound of his reassuring voice enough to settle the frazzled nerves she'd had ever since yesterday. "Pfft. You're just saying that to make me feel better."

Joel half-smiled, a breathy exhale leaving his lips. "Honest. Want me tell ya why?" She nodded, and he licked his lips, eyes traveling around the room as he thought. "Well, for one, I ain't never seen no one immune. I don't think I'll ever meet another person like you in my lifetime."

"I can't be the only one," she said. She'd thought about this at times, too, and even had a secret ambition of going to find someone like her, but it was farfetched. Where would she even start?

"I don't doubt there are others, but the chances of finding one of 'em is like finding a needle in a haystack. Which is why I say this in favor of you being special and all." He paused for a moment, biting his bottom lip before he continued. "And, ya know, I've never met a kid as tough as you. The things you've done... it's safe to say I never in my wildest imagination could've seen myself doing those things at your age. Although, I was mature like you are. When I was just a bit older than you, I was warming up baby bottles and working my ass off tryin' to find a job. That's what growing up too fast meant back then, starting a family in your teens. But you... you're way past that, survival the only thing you needed to learn, and yet you're just right for your age. Most these other kids are lacking, their parents wanting them to have a 'normal' childhood. It's only hurtin' them in the end."

Ellie agreed with him. She'd always seen herself as more focused than the other kids, and maybe that wasn't such a bad thing like some of the adults seemed to think. Joel may have told her that it's okay to be a kid, but she knew he appreciated her maturity; it's saved him far more times than he cared to recount.

"I guess we're not so different, you and me. Never have been," she said. It was a soft confession, but it held weight. That the two of them could be the same inside, it wasn't something she said lightly. Joel gave her a look, loaded with understanding and consideration. Was he pleased by this fact?

Joel blinked once, then in rapid succession, wiping away whatever he was feeling in that moment. He threw an arm on the table heavily, tapping the wood with a finger. "I just want you to know that you can't control the bad shit that throws itself at you. All you can do is buckle down and try not to drown." His insistent tapping stopped, and she caught his eyes. "For a girl who doesn't know how to swim, you're sure doing a hell of a job not getting swept up in the current."

There was a small, barely there smile on the older man's face, one that expressed genuine admirability. It was really hard to doubt him when he was staring at her with such conviction. She could almost forget the way they hurt each other yesterday. She wouldn't, but she could almost.

But forgetting wasn't what was needed right now. She didn't have to push down and toss away that memory. But if she wanted to get past this bump in their relationship, she'd have to forgive him.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry about what I said to you. I know I'm not your daughter, but..." _But it doesn't feel that way._

She was sure he had understood her miscommunicated thought. The words were just too sweet for her callous mouth to voice aloud that her teeth almost started aching.

"Yeah," he said, gritty, whispered, and he nodded imperceptibly into the tight space the kitchen seemed to give them.

Ellie puffed her cheeks and slowly blew air out from between her lips, the sound harsh and disruptive of the sweet moment. "I bet Sarah never spoke so badly to you, the way I do."

Joel barked out a laugh at this, bringing a finger up to rub at his eye. "You'd be surprised the hell that girl could bring out when she was angry. I'd reckon she'd match you in the way of sass."

"No way," Ellie said. There was no way his own daughter could get mad enough to start spewing insults at him. Could there?

"Just because we was family don't mean we didn't have our share of arguments. We bickered like cats and dogs, complete opposites of each other, always butting heads. I believe she even gathered a backpack one night, filled with a can of chips and some coloring books, and she wandered down the street to the neighbor's backyard. See, they had a dog, and so there was a pretty big doghouse in their backyard. She crawled in there with him and said to me that she was going to live there. This was her idea of running away because I wouldn't let her do somethin' or other, I forget now."

Ellie's eyebrows were high on her head, amused and shocked at the idea. "That's insane. Did she really think she could live in that doghouse forever?"

"Not forever, just until she was big enough to kick me outta the house, and then she was gonna go back to live there all by herself."

Chuckles burst forth from Ellie's mouth, finding it funny how this little girl thought she was gonna shove Joel aside and take charge of the house all by herself. "Pretty ambitious, kid. Might need to take note of these stories for later."

"Don't you go running off on me now," he said. His tone was light, but she knew he meant it seriously.

"As if I'd want to. Everything I need to live is right here. I'd be pretty stupid to think life is better anywhere else."

Joel leaned over the table, reaching for one of his landmark books. He opened it casually, sifting through the pages until he found the page he was looking for, then he tapped the page once with his finger and swung the book around to face Ellie. Curiosity piqued, she lifted the book in her hands and glanced at the page, reading the title indulgently.

" _Devil's Tower: A quick guide to its rich culture and history._ " Directly beneath the headline was a faded picture of a huge rock-like mountain that looked like someone had chopped off the peak of it. Hundreds of little crevices ran down the sides of the singular, natural structure like rivulets pouring over, flooding the rock.

"What happened to it?" she asked, turning the book this way and that, trying to gauge the right angle.

"What do ya mean?"

"I mean, it's missing the pointy edge, or whatever. Like every other mountain I've ever seen."

Joel furrowed his brows and peeked at the image. "Nah, that's how it's meant to look. That's just how the rock formed; nothin' _happened_ to it."

"Oh," she said, and he faltered at her less-than-enthusiastic response. "Did you ever go here, or something?" It was a pretty random thing to be showing her out of the blue.

He cleared his throat, setting himself upright. "Ain't never had the time. Tommy and me, we'd taken a trip across the country before, but we never came 'round these parts when we was older. A damn shame, though, seeing as this was where our folks grew up."

"They lived in..." she scanned the page, looking for where this mountain was located, "Oh, cool, here in Wyoming? But I thought you were from that Texas area?"

"My folks moved down there before me and Tommy was born, my dad's job forcing the pair of them to hike it down south. But, yeah, they grew up and met each other here in Wyoming, and we took a few trips back here as a family when I was a boy. My mama, though... she'd always wanted to take us there when we got older." He took a sad breath. "She never got the chance."

Forlorn, he sounded. He stared at his methodically thumping fingers on the table, unseeing, as his memories of the dead took a hold of him. Subtly, she dropped the book with a loud thump, enough to get his attention.

"I think it's a pretty fucking rad rock."

He chuckled slightly and glanced down at his knees before gazing at her inquisitively. "You know, I was thinking... Well, since we ain't got nothing but time no more, I don't see no reason why we can't finally go make that trip."

Ellie's eyes raised to meet his, seeing his glint of vulnerability at his question. It was clearly something he'd been wanting since he was a kid, and it meant something to her that he wanted to go visit this place with her. To invite her on this journey that was a long-held family ambition.

Why, she just about burst at the seams with emotion.

Swallowing thickly, she smiled. "We?" Joel was smiling, too, his bottom lip sucked in between his teeth to contain it. "Hell, yeah, we should go! I-I mean it's right here in the state, not that far away. We could be there in a month, maybe less if we took a truck! We could—"

"Now, hold on there, kiddo, breathe for a second."

"Oh, man," she said breathlessly, now clutching the book back in her hands, devouring all the little info this cheap book had to give her. "It says here that the Devil's Tower used to be a popular tourist site, where thousands of people all over the nation came to see it all year round. Some dead president named it a National Monument in 1906, whatever the hell that means, and—"

The book was suddenly pinned to the table beneath Joel's rough hand as he brought it down much to her dismay.

"Easy there, tiger. We can't just hop up and ride out tomorrow."

"Why not?" It seemed simple enough to Ellie. Gather some supplies, rack up on food, let Maria know that she'd have to find some more help with the militia while she was away. The man had been waiting all his life for this, why would he wait another minute?

"We've gotta plan this trip out. We're gonna need food, water, guns, ammo, I mean— This ain't no vacation like it used to be. We're gonna be putting ourselves at risk going beyond these walls, and it's gonna be a rough journey if we don't have a plan mapped out first."

She sighed, all of that sudden rush of energy leaving just as quickly as it had come. He was right, of course. Had she not learned during her last trek outside these walls with Joel just how dangerous aimless wandering could get?

"I know," she said, pouty. "But aren't you just a little excited?"

"Of course I am, but I've been waiting a long damn time to reach that mountain, I know I can hold out just a little longer."

Psshh. Ellie had no doubt he had the patience of a rock, and the forethought to stay ahead of an adventure filled outing. The thought that she could go on a journey of her own, just like every hero she'd ever read in her comics, it filled her insides up with some deeply buried feeling from her childhood, something a bit unsettling if she were honest. Something a bit like hope.

Ellie flipped through the pages a minute more, skimming the detailed information on the misshapen rock, before Joel stood up, grabbing her attention.

"I hate to leave you alone right now, but..." he said, eyes shadowed with heaviness.

"No, go to talk to Tommy." A beat passed as the weight of their reality settled back into her body. "He's at Mark's," she said quietly.

His eyes cast down as he nodded quickly, trying to gain his composure back. She didn't think Joel and Mark had been friends, but it didn't even matter. Loss was loss, and it was never a relief.

As he passed her, he stopped to lay a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it lightly before moving on out, the sound of the door shutting softly behind him.

Ellie leaned heavily against the back of her chair, letting her head fall back as she closed her eyes.

She felt terrible. Not because they'd lost someone, but because more than she felt terrible, she felt _happy_... and wasn't that terrible? Even now, she couldn't help the grin from forming on her chapped lips, the sight of a mountain she'd never seen before ten minutes ago painting the darkness behind her closed eyelids.

* * *

Going back to the schoolroom after the night she'd had was surreal. Things didn't slow down for the dead, and if anything, they were starting to pick up speed. Throughout the night when Mark was ambushed, Tommy had multiplied his men. There were four main entrances that were on constant guard and each was designated right in the middle of each side, facing all four directions. On a typical day, two watchers sat atop the makeshift tower while five men patrolled from behind the door, ready at a signal.

Now, though, as she passed by the North tower toward the schoolroom, she could see double the people standing around near the gate, a few of them she recognized from wall duty, but for the most part, there seemed to be a ton of new people she didn't recognize from her team. They were people who had smaller jobs of organizing and maintaining order inside the walls. Tommy and Maria needed every available hand.

If she didn't have a job to do, she'd be pissed that she wasn't up there with them. No, Tommy had given her a different job.

Ellie pushed her way through the heavy doors of the schoolroom, and all talking within ceased at her arrival. She could feel their prickly stares as she skipped right over her own desk and stood at the forefront of the classroom where her teacher, Ben, usually stood, the feeling bubbling within her equal parts thrilled and anxious. Her eyes roved over the room, taking in the varying glances of kids she'd been working alongside anywhere from a month to two years ago.

The younger kids were usually taught in a room across the hall by a different teacher, Ali, so It was weird to see young babyfaces mixed in with the harder, skeptical lines of the older kids; another one of Tommy's new rules: mixing the older class in with the younger class. As Tommy had relayed to her via Joel this morning: _everyone_ was to learn her material.

Most of the older kids had chagrined faces, probably wondering what the hell Ellie was doing in the place of authority, gauging whether this was one of her stunts to showcase her "superior knowledge" as some kids teased. The younger kids just looked scared, eyes wide and hands obediently tucked in their laps.

In the far back corner, she recognized Marco sitting slumped in his seat as he fiddled with his fingers on the desk, a tiny toothpick hanging from his lips. She'd never really noticed him before, but after their tense first meeting, she wondered how she ever skimmed over his underrated presence. And where the hell did he manage to find toothpicks?

As if he could sense her looking, his eyes shot up, and surprisingly, he offered a small smile.

Ellie raised her eyebrows in greeting, not wanting anyone else to notice the silent conversation, then faced the entirety of the room. As she gathered breath for an improvised speech, the silence was cut by an annoyingly familiar voice.

"Last time I checked, you weren't the teacher. You were sitting down here, playing peasant with the rest of us."

Her eyes darted to the right side of the room where most of the teens sat, and a scowl took over her face. It didn't surprise her that the voice belonged to a boy she'd frequently had minor run-ins with over the years. Ryan was a bit of an enemy if she had to call him anything, though he wasn't really. Just some petty boy who didn't know any better and thought cracking jokes at Ellie would make the threats outside the walls seem less real.

Ryan raised a high eyebrow at her, and continued. "Guess the princess finally decided she'd had enough of us and is turning into Cinderella once more."

This was something else Ryan liked to tease her about. In that first couple of weeks since she and Joel had come to live there, the teacher had asked Ellie for a few stories of the outside. He said it would do them all some good to hear firsthand accounts of protecting yourself out there. Ellie gave them a few pointers and tips, and the whole class had been enraptured by her death-defying memories. Except for Ryan. He sat there and listened to every one of her tales like a bored child, and when they left class one day, he'd called her, "The princess of the dead world."

For two years he called her this, and while most of the other kids ignored Ryan's childish quips, a couple of his friends had taken to using the name, which annoyed the fuck out of her some days. Joel knew about these nicknames the kids had given her, and while sometimes she was seconds away from punching someone in the mouth for using the word on her, Joel had kept her grounded enough with his pleas and words of advice.

 _"Them kids ain't worth losing what we have here. They don't know no better. Be the bigger person here, Ellie."_

Easier said than done, but for Joel, she had tried.

Ellie watched through narrowed as a girl next to Ryan, Julie, she thought her name was, scrunched up her face in annoyance. "That's not how the story goes," she said, leaning forward on her desk with both arms as she spoke to Ryan. "Cinderella was a peasant to start with, she can't turn back into a princess if she wasn't one to start with."

Ryan faltered at the truth of her statement before smacking his lips. "Whatever. It's the same basic concept. Yesterday was midnight, and the princess is back where she belongs."

Ellie rolled her eyes as her older classmates bickered, and instead focused on the younglings. A few of them were glancing back and forth between the bickering teens and Ellie, anxiety growing in their innocent faces. Her lesson was going superbly, and she hadn't even started.

One of the smaller kids caught sight of Ellie watching and raised his hand cautiously. She walked over to him and bent down on one knee, low enough to hear the young boy cup his bony little hands to her ear. "Where's Ali?"

Unexpectedly, her heart clenched at hearing the fear in this boy's voice. Fear for his teacher, at this sudden change that he wasn't given a reason for. She remembered when she was little, and how things had changed so fast she barely had the chance to ask questions about it before it changed again. She remembered the anxiety she lived with, fear for her life and those she held dear to her. She gazed into the boy's eyes and tried her damnedest to appear calm.

"Colin, right?" she said. He nodded once, and she smiled lightly at him. "Right. Colin. I'm Ellie, and I know it seems scary right now because today isn't just like every other day you've had before, but I'm gonna need you to be brave today. Can you do that? For Ali? She's perfectly fine, by the way. She just has a job to do right now, and I'm going to be here with you for a while until she comes back. Is that cool with you?"

The boy nodded, but she doubted he'd do anything else. As she stood up from Colin's desk, a young girl beside him waved her hand frantically to get her attention.

"Ellie! Not everyone's here, you can't start yet."

Ellie's eyebrows crinkled. "Who's missing?"

"Shawn and Kate."

Ellie almost started to ask if anyone knew where they were, but the ever-obnoxious Ryan cut in. "Don't you know what happened last night?" he asked the smaller children, annoyance in his tone. He was greeted with wide, confused glances from the children. He huffed exaggeratedly. "We were attacked. We were targeted, and we were hunted."

Not only did the children wear looks of horror, but some of the older teens' eyes went wide with realization. Their parents no doubt sugar-coated it for a majority of them—as they tended to do around here—and hearing it so plainly, so bluntly, as if it were a fact they were so defenseless against, shook them to their core.

He continued. "They took Shawn and Kate's dad first, just last night. That's why they're not here. Their mama's probably figurin' a way to hightail it outta here right now."

"Okay, you know what, that's enough," Ellie said, voice tight with vehemence. "You're not helping anyone."

"And you are?" he challenged, eyeing her intensely.

"I'm doing what I can, but it's not gonna help anyone to make everyone afraid."

The kid scoffed. "We all know why you aren't scared." Slowly, dramatically, he rose from his seat, his voice projecting over the small classroom. "You never let us forget how you survived outside these walls, how you killed people, how you endured on your own. And now, if this place goes to shit, it's no bother to you. You'll run off with Joel and _survive_." He spat the word out like filth coating his lips. When he spoke again, his voice was low, and Ellie had to give him credit for being an effective spokesman. "How about the rest of us? Most of us have lived behind the safety of these walls all our lives... We aren't soldiers, we aren't prepared for this, not really. When the hunters come, and they _will_ come, we're gonna be sitting here like lambs; waiting for the big bad wolf to come and devour our livelihood."

Ellie could sense the danger of the situation she was in, noting the wondrous, wary glances everyone wore as they listened to Ryan, enraptured by his matter-of-fact speaking style. People tended to believe other people who spoke passionately, despite the nonsense they uttered, because the more it seemed someone actually believed what they were saying, the more unlikely people would be to doubt them.

If this entire classroom revolted against her before she could even explain what she was there to do, that'd be a big failure on her part. _Can't you reign in one room of kids, Ellie?_

A thought niggled to the forefront of her mind as her mind raced for a way out of this would-be anarchy; a thought that constantly brought warmth into her chest.

 _"I guess we're not so different, you and I."_

Joel wasn't a quitter, and neither was Ellie.

Head held high, eyes gazed down, fingers trailing over the nearest student's desk lazily, Ellie spoke. "You think you got it all figured out, huh?" She didn't expect a response, and Ryan was smart enough to know this. The boy slowly sat back down in his chair, narrowed eyes on her. "You hear a few things, you know a few things, but you know it's not enough. You know something bad is coming, and your first defense is to blame it on circumstances and give up."

Ellie smacked her hand on the desk loudly and walked toward the front of the room once more, leaning against the desk behind her. She needed everyone to hear what she had to say. "What he's saying is true. We were attacked last night, and this was no random attack—it was an ambush. They'll be back to try to finish the job, maybe even try to steal this place from us."

Whimpers stifled through the left side of the room where the smaller children sat, but Ellie refused to look up, knowing her resolve would break, and she wouldn't get her point across.

"Last night... You can't even imagine how horrible it was. Mark had fallen into an inescapable hole that was dug about 30 feet into the ground. It wasn't the fall that killed him, though the fall alone could've totally splattered his brains all over the ground. No, but he wasn't alone down there. Whoever dug up that hole was kind enough to give him company at least."

Daring a peak, she tilted her eyes to the right, feeling the heavy gaze of all the teens staring at her, horrified as she recounted what she saw. Marco was the only one not looking at her, his own eyes downcast with what looked like sorrow.

Even Ryan, who was talking a big talk just a few minutes ago, was staring at her, jaw set tightly as he kept her eye contact. "It was all we could to sit and listen to him in his final moments: screaming as the runner tore into him, begging for help; and when that didn't come, for death."

Ellie coughed, trying to clear the sudden tightness in her throat. It was almost too much for her to have to relay the scene over again for everyone, but she didn't have a better idea to get everyone's cooperation than to explain to them just how essential it was that they cooperate in this foreboding time.

Once more, she turned her attention to Ryan, trying to drive her point where it needed fixing the most. "You laugh and mock me for my raw survival skills, but you don't know what I've had to endure to learn those skills. What I've had to see, what I've had to do, what's been done to—" She took a shuddering breath, collecting herself. "It's not fun to have this knowledge, and I don't take it lightly. Nobody who's been outside these walls does. You think Joel wouldn't give anything for me to have the kind of childhood that he had? The one that was all rainbows and sunshine and _safety_?" She knew she was delving into personal territory, but she couldn't stop herself. The more she stared at the boy the more desperate she was getting to reach him. "Kind of like how your parents have been doing to you all."

"What have they been doing to us?" one of the children asked. She swiveled her head around automatically, seeking out the kid.

"Only what any parent would want to do: keep you kids safe. But they're clinging to a way of life that's already expired, a life that can get you killed in this world today."

Another small voice rang out, sounding even smaller with its message. "I don't want to die."

It was a simple statement, one that anyone in their right mind would agree with, but hearing it come from the trembling lips of a small child she had just corrupted was too much for her.

She felt like the world's biggest asshole.

Then came another voice, one that was much more welcomed than those before him. "No one's dying. Not today, kid. Because Ellie has a plan. Isn't that right?"

Marco's voice rang clear from the teen's group, and her heart squeezed with relief. She closed her eyes as she gazed at the ground, allowing herself two seconds of misery before she straightened, slipping back into casual Ellie mode.

"It wasn't exactly my idea, but... There's a reason I'm standing up here in front of you guys. A reason I'm going to be taking up classes for the time being. As Ryan so arrogantly pointed out, I have survival skills and first-hand knowledge of what's out there. Since we need as many able-bodied people on the walls, Ali and Ben are going to be needed out there for a while, and Tommy asked if I could help pass on my knowledge to you guys because it's never too early to start learning how to defend yourself. That's why I'm up here. I'm going to show you guys a different kind of Survival 101 than you're used to."

It was music to her ears when cautious, excited chatter took hold of the somber room, the kids quickly shifting into animated bundles, restless in their chairs as they wondered what they'd be doing. The teens, too, talked amongst themselves with light in their faces, not enough to diminish what they'd just talked about, but just the amount of interest she was hoping for.

"Okay, okay. I know it's weird taking lessons from another kid, but cut me some slack, guys. Everyone's got jobs to do, and it seems I'm pretty suited for this, so this is how it's gonna be for a while until things settle down around here."

Everyone murmured in agreement and finally, some of the anxiety that had pooled in the middle of her stomach had begun to lesson, eager to begin just as much as they were.

"I think Tommy set up some bows out back, so let's go on out there for our lesson."

The children took off from their seats as soon as she'd mentioned the bows out back, the older kids trailing along easily. This was an area the teens were familiar, but it was going to be something new for the younger ones.

She fell into step with Marco, bringing up the caboose of the line. With her fingers tucked into her jean pockets, she knocked his elbow with hers, grabbing his attention. "How'd you know Tommy sent me here to teach you guys about defense and stuff?"

Marco squinted ahead of him as he thought, his lips twirling that stupid toothpick between his teeth. "I didn't know."

Ellie faltered. "Then ... why did you tell that kid I had a plan? What if I didn't? Then, you would have just put me on the spot! Real asshole move."

The corner of his mouth lifted up as he chuckled once. "I told that kid what he needed to hear." He turned his head to face her, brown eyes glowing with trust. "And I knew you'd come through."

A scoff left her lips before she could reign it in. "That's a lot of blind faith you're putting in someone you just met. It's pretty stupid if you ask me."

"What can I say? I'm an excellent judge of character."

"Oh, I see. I suppose that sixth sense is what kept you alive all this time? Because I know it's not that brain of yours."

Marco faced her with a sad smile, before dropping his head, effectively not answering her banter. Ellie wondered briefly if she'd said the wrong thing, but Marco saved her the trouble of wondering.

"I can say with confidence that my 'sixth sense' was not my survival tool." He paused, eyeing her a minute more. "Maybe I'll tell you about it sometime."

There he went again. There he went trying to worm his way into her life like he had any right to be there. She couldn't even be mad at him, though, because what she said was, "I'm holding you to that."

Maybe she'd wanted friends more than she'd let on to herself.

* * *

 **Also, I wanted to thank anyone who read or commented on this fic, because as I struggled to get through some parts, those comments always fueled me to keep going and to see this through. It's always a delight to hear that people enjoy this story, and I just wanted to thank you for your kind words :)**


	5. What Are Friends For Again?

The tell-tale whistle of the birds rustling around in the tree outside her window was what woke her. Their cheerful chirps rang out through the thin boards of the house now as she tiredly rubbed at her eyes and pushed herself out of bed.

She was wearing her red, thick flannel pajama pants and a long sleeve shirt that represented some band from the past. That was her usual ensemble for cold, wintry nights like last night, and even though she was covering 95% percent of her body, she still shivered.

 _Did he even turn the heat on?_

This wasn't how she'd wanted to start the day, and she would have been in a grumpy mood about it, too, if she weren't so hyped up about that impending landmark trip. A real glimpse of the past, it was supposed to be.

Wasting no more time, she raced down the stairs, arms wrapped around herself to wither against the cold, and stopped in the open kitchen doorway. A smile came to her as she watched Joel saw down some wood he had been working on cutting to size. He was sitting down at the table, working and whistling a familiar tune, one that he'd played on the guitar for her a few times, but she couldn't remember the name.

His back was to her, so she didn't think he heard her approach until he said, "I know you're there." She took up a spot at the table as he continued, a smile in his voice. "I reckon everyone on the North side heard your mighty footfalls on the stairs just now." He was clad in a simple black tank top and some flannel pajama pants not unlike herself. It amazed Ellie how under-dressed he always seemed to appear. It was like he was a walking furnace, always running hot no matter what the temperature outside demanded.

"I wasn't trying to be sneaky."

Joel snorted. "Yeah, tell me another one."

The chair he was sitting on scraped the floor angrily as he scooted himself around to face her. On the table in front of her was a scattered set of cards. They'd been playing the night before, and she'd forgotten to put the cards away. She grabbed them up now and began mindlessly shuffling them.

"Why isn't the heat on? I about froze my balls off upstairs." Ellie asked.

Joel furrowed his brows in distaste and went back to scraping his saw across the jagged wood before answering. "We're runnin' low on oil. Gotta start conservin' what we have. There should be enough to last us the next few weeks, but only if we use it at night. It should start gettin' warmer soon; Spring's right around the corner."

At the mention of Spring, she perked up inside, her heart lifting just the slightest bit. Still, she tried to downplay it as she kept her eyes on the still shuffling deck in her hands. "Spring... That's such nice weather," she said innocently. In her peripheral, she noticed Joel freeze for one second, before carrying on with his back and forth motion of the saw. She dared a peek at him.

He was gazing at her warily as he worked, as if he knew something was up. She shot her eyes back down and continued.

"People do all kinds of things in Spring weather, liiike hiking. I hear people around here do that sometimes, staying close to the trails we've cleared. And," she blew a raspberry, "I don't know. The kids come back out with their footballs and—"

"I know what you're beatin' around the bush to, and we just can't right now, Ellie."

"But, why not?" she almost whined.

Joel had promised her about a month ago that they'd get to take that road trip to Devil's Tower soon, and apparently, _soon_ meant _whenever Joel felt like_ , and who knew when that would be. Every time she brought it up, he always had an excuse.

 _"We need to plan, Ellie."_

 _"Tommy and Maria need all their defenses right now."_

 _"Winter is the worst season to take a road trip, everybody knows that."_

Not fucking everyone, apparently.

Joel finally stopped his rigorous sawing on the piece of wood and sighed, his entire upper body hunched forward a bit. "It just ain't the best time—"

"'Not the best time right now', yeah, I got it," she said, defeated. Her shoulders slumped a little, but she tried her best to mask the frustration within her. She didn't want to play at being the bratty teenager; Joel was so good to her, he really didn't deserve her anger. She just wished he'd never mentioned the trip until he was ready to head out the very next day.

Joel was silent as she quit her harsh shuffling of the cards, and she contemplated her next move. As she went to push herself out from the table, the cards slipped out from her hands, all fifty-two decrepit cards falling helplessly to the floor.

"Great," she mumbled to herself as she kneeled down and went about the mind-numbing task of gathering them up.

Joel rattled around beside her, the sound of a chair scraping along the hardwood floor sounding scratchy to her ears. Then, his tanned hands came into view as he scooped up some of the cards off the floor that had fallen out of her reach.

She held her hand out, palm up, and he dropped his pile messily onto hers. The silence was too thick, and she had yet to look him in the eyes. She just didn't know what to say that wouldn't have them end up in an argument.

Of course, Joel always knew.

"Make a pretty good team, you and I, dontcha think?"

If she had spoken first, she surely would have said something callous, and he would have said something surly in return. What was she supposed to say when he complimented her instead?

She didn't say anything.

Ellie stood tall on her feet once more, eyes on the deck of cards in her hands as she straightened them into a neat pile. He wasn't saying anything else, and she couldn't find the words to articulate just how let down she felt without hurting his feelings, so after a pathetic attempt at a smile, she turned to head back upstairs to get ready. She still had class to do with the kids, after all.

"Wait a sec," he said, reaching out a hand to her shoulder. Begrudgingly, Ellie pivoted, her gaze immediately seeking his out. Joel was staring her down with a look of regret even though she'd done her best to try to keep that look at bay. "Now, I know you're just buzzin' to go on this trip, and it sucks that we can't just pack up and head on out now that Spring is comin'."

He didn't offer an excuse this time which Ellie was grateful for. She'd heard about a million and one reasons why it wasn't the right time, and she thought she might just punch him if he offered another one.

"Devil's Tower will always be there waiting. It's not like it's gonna get up and run away," she said, a laugh that sounded forced even to her own ears slicing through the air. Joel cringed for the both of them.

"Maybe we can't do that right now, but I know something we can do once the heat really gets goin'."

Despite her annoyance, she could feel her curiosity rising, the heat in her chest lessening. "What?"

His lips turned up on one side as he folded his arms across his chest. "Back when we were travelin' along the outside, I seem to remember you lacked a certain skill on the road. Pretty crazy to me since you seemed to pick up about every other skill known to man."

Ellie's eyebrows furrowed as she thought. She was a damned good survivalist, what could she not know? She knew how to bow and hunt, track and aim, make a fire out of the simplest of nature's leftovers. There wasn't a thing she couldn't do out there; well, except for—

"Wait," she said, a grin threatening to overtake her face. She glanced at him, her heart singing out, forgetting the anger from before. "You don't mean..."

"Ohhh, yeah," he said, hazel eyes bright. "Swimming."

A squeal burst through Ellie's lips before she threw her arms around the big man, squeezing his waist as tight as she could in all her excitement. Rumbles passed through his chest, vibrating through her face as she felt him chuckle heartily, his hands coming up to pat her elbows.

"An' this time, I promise."

Ellie peeled herself away from him, shooting him a mock glare. "You promised about Devil's Tower, too."

His dark eyebrows rose, protesting. "I don't recall ever using that word."

Well, maybe he hadn't, but it still felt like one.

"Maybe so," she said.

She just couldn't keep the smile off her face because, in her fairly non-eventful life here in Jackson, she'd completely forgotten about his semi-promise to teach her how to swim one day. Being on the inside, she didn't need to exercise her skills, and with swimming being as non-essential here as a sky-rise building, she hadn't even thought about it.

And there was a lake here. Right down past the South side entrance, there was a path that led to a pretty big lake that people sometimes hung out near. Now that she thought about it, the kids might have even gone up there to swim. She didn't know what they did beyond the walls, but that was probably it if they went through the South entrance.

"What do ya say, hmm? The first snag of good weather we catch, I say we jump on it. I'd say we're long overdue a day off."

"You really promise this time?" As much as she'd already lost herself to the idea of splashing around and jumping into the cool water, there was still that thought that he might put it off like he'd been doing with Devil's Tower.

"I said I promise, didn't I? You hear those magic words, and you know the deal is sealed. I've never broken one before; that's a sacred deal."

"Sacred?"

"Yeah, like … it's like a special kind of promise. Almost like a holy law. You don't wanna go breakin' one of those. It's bad luck."

Ellie smacked her lips together. "It is not."

Joel raised his hands up as if he couldn't be held accountable if she didn't believe him. "I don't think I'm brave enough to wanna test that theory. You go on ahead and see for yourself; but for me, a promise is as good as my word gets."

She huffed a laugh, not believing him for a second, but she couldn't deny the spark of relief that hit her. Promises never seemed like a big deal to her before, just something people said to enforce their words. Joel made it sound like something reassuring, and she knew he wouldn't go back on his words today.

Joel glanced down at his watch and pushed his hip off the table, straightening. "Shit, I'm almost late." He glanced down at her as he gathered the finished pieces of wood up in his arms. "And you are, too. How're them kids comin' along, anyway? Anyone givin' you trouble?" Side by side, Joel and Ellie raced up the stairs, splitting up at the top of the stairs for their respective rooms.

Truthfully, Ryan was still making her teaching days somewhat of a nuisance. Her little impromptu speech that first day in class was enough to keep him quiet for about a few days, but as the danger wore thin, and the incident with the those two kids' dad receded to the back of everyone's minds, his surly alpha attitude had returned.

Telling this to Joel would probably drive him to pull Ryan's parents aside and have a nice little "chat" about their son's behavior, and Ellie didn't want that. The last thing she needed was to give Ryan more ammunition to use against her in the case of "Princess Ellie." She could handle Ryan just fine on her own.

So, she gave Joel the perks.

"The smaller kids are catching on way faster than I thought," she called out to him, searching through her drawers for some warm wear. "I thought it was gonna be easier to teach the other teens how to handle a bow, but the teeny tots are faring far better than them."

"Yeah, well," he said, his voice muffled as the sound of drawers opening and closing reached her. "Kids are more resilient. They used to say to teach 'em young 'cause it's far easier to teach a kid to do it the right way than to have to deal with an ignorant adult doin' it the wrong way."

Ellie made quick work of slipping her pants and shirt off, trading it for her usual work clothes. In the Winter months, she opted for a thick, wool jacket with fur lining the hood and some blue jeans. Hopefully, Spring would come sooner than everyone thought because she was just dying to rid herself of so much heavy clothing. She couldn't wear short sleeves around here because her bite was still something of a secret to everyone who wasn't Joel's family, but the thought of one-layer shirts and shorts made her smile wistfully

The door to her bedroom slammed closed as she shut it behind her, and she skipped over to the banister at the top of the stairs to wait for Joel.

"I guess I can see that," she said, "because the kids haven't learned the basics of a bow and other stuff. The teenagers haven't even had basic training, but most of them have worked with weapons, but they're handling it all wrong. I guess it's harder to unlearn something than to learn it in the first place."

Joel came shambling out in a rush, not even bothering to shut his door as he bypassed her and flew down the stairs, two steps at a time. Ellie followed.

"Exactly, kiddo," he said. When they reached the bottom, the poor man was stumbling around in front of the door with his arms filled with small pieces of wood, turning this way and that, looking for his coat. It was on the coat rack right beside him, but as she moved to unhook it and tease him, he found it. He slid the light jacket on, mumbling about his keys, and Ellie was faster this time, pouncing on the keys that sat in the tray by the front door. She dangled them in front of him with a coy smile.

"Ah," he said, snatching them up gratefully. With a mumbled thanks, he playfully ruffled her hair—"Hey!"—and ushered them out the door.

Joel struggled to lock the door with the wood pieces under his arm, but he never asked for her help. She eyed the pieces curiously as he finally got the lock done and turned to face her. "What do you even need those for?" she asked, nodding her head to the wood under his arm.

Weirdly, Joel avoided her eyes as he shuffled the wood back into both arms and started to walk past her. "I'mma be gettin' in late," he said as the wind picked up, blowing his slight tufts of hair to the side. Ellie felt the wind flap against her face unpleasantly, and she drew up her hood to protect her ears. "Esther had mentioned the other day that one of the floorboards on her porch stairs was getting a little loose, so I might go check on that. See what I can do."

"Are you kidding? Esther's, like, the best at fixing things up, why can't she do it herself?" Ellie said, not understanding. Esther could make a nice, little table out of the most unusable pieces of wood they had, and it would come out looking smoother than a blade of grass.

Joel knew they barely saw each other anymore since he was needed at the fences more often now to make sure there were no weak points any outsiders could exploit, so why was he playing Mr. Fixer Upper with their free time all of a sudden?

It took a minute, and Joel's uncharacteristic hesitation, before she'd taken notice of the red on his cheeks. She squinted at him as they walked, leaning close enough to get into his personal space. "Are you blushing?"

As if it could have, his cheeks went even darker, his look a stormy one at her question, and it finally dawned on her. A feeling like amusement bubbled up within her, and she laughed once before she could catch herself. "Are you fucking little ol' Esther?"

"Ellie!" he said, coming to a hard stop as his head whipped around so fast she thought he could have gotten whiplash from the action. His eyes were comically wide before he narrowed them, a dark look clouding over the nice shade of hazel that usually resided. "Let me set one thing straight right from the gecko: we don't talk about this stuff, okay? Not ever."

"Hah! Sounds like bullshit to me. Come on, why are you being so weird? It's just sex, right? Not a big deal for you guys. And when I say you guys, I mean you older adults. Adults have probably done it like a gazillion times, nothing to get embarrassed about."

"I'm not—" he said, struggling for the right words. Then, he shrugged his shoulders up, apparently not able to find them. "Whatever. We're not discussing this." Joel turned away from her and continued to walk ahead.

It felt funny to her to see Joel getting so riled up about something that everybody did. She'd never seen him get quite so flustered, and she didn't think she was going to let him live this down.

She caught up to him and pulled on his elbow, but he shrugged her off, glancing straight ahead as he speed-walked. She raced alongside him, unable to let this go. "But, Joel—"

With no warning, he stopped his fast pace and turned to her, a smirk on his face. "Okay, Ellie, how 'bout if I asked you what you and Marco get up to."

The confusion of the question hit her hard, and she frowned at the sudden turnaround he did. "Me and Marco?"

"I'm not so blind as to not know what goes on when I'm not around. People talk around here, as you know, and they been talkin' 'bout how you two run off together when lessons are over."

It was true. Over the past month, Marco had proved himself capable of being a friend. He'd shown a little of that loyalty that first day in class when he had faith in a complete stranger. It was enough to capture Ellie's attention and to finally realize that he wasn't like the other kids. From that day, they'd been spending a lot of time together. Most of that time included her assigning him as her second in class since he lived briefly on the outside, as well. He knew just as much as Ellie; not more than, but enough to where it impressed her. When class was over, and she had time to kill before her regular patrol, they even hung out in her secluded spot in the abandoned building. Mostly, they just took turns playing the guitar and talking about what they thought the old world used to be like.

Still, they were strictly friends. And Joel should have known this.

"Are you shitting me? Joel, I thought you knew already that I wasn't into guys."

He was unperturbed by this fact. "I know you like girls, but that ain't the same as not liking boys, too."

Ellie _pffted_. "I think I know my own mind and body better than you do."

Joel sighed and scratched his chin with the top of one of the wood-boards momentarily. The tint was beginning to creep back onto his face, but that could just as easily have come from the biting winds. "You been spending a lot of time with that boy, runnin' off in secret and whisperin' to each other; you can see how I can wonder, can't you?"

"I can see how you have no concept of the word 'friend' and how that might apply to Marco," she said bitterly.

"If that were so, why didn't you ever mention it? You know I would have been more than happy to hear about you havin' a friend, so why'd you keep your little rendezvous sessions a secret?"

At this, Ellie had no answer. No, that wasn't right. She did know why, but she wasn't going to tell him that.

The truth was she was a bit embarrassed. Not of Marco, but of what their friendship represented. On the outside, it told Joel that she'd been wrong about him—he wasn't just the annoying son of someone she'd accidentally made an enemy. He was actually pretty cool and had been through similar experiences as she had.

But within her, it also represented the opening of her heart, and some would see that as a weakness of hers. So much turmoil and hurt had closed off her heart, sealing it away into a very neatly tucked corner of herself. After her mom and Riley, Sam and Henry, and even that dumb horse, Callus, each death was like a nail to the lid that kept her heart safe and numb. But, by letting Marco become another friend, another potential loss, she could feel that lid loosening up, and she thought the people around here might see her as something less because of it.

Joel smirked at her, mistaking her silence for something it wasn't. "Uncomfortable, are we?"

Taking a subtle breath, she huffed a laugh. In the split second before she spoke again, she'd already made up her mind not to push this thing with Esther. Besides, it was all pretty new for him to be connecting with another person so intimately after so long, so she'd wait until he was ready and comfortable before she grilled him on all the dirty bits.

"All right, all right, I get it. No more sex jokes." She zipped her lips shut with the imaginary zipper and threw away the key. "But just so we're clear, I am a dude-free zone, so you can stop listening to all those old gossips who exaggerate every little thing that goes on in this town. Marco and I just hang out. You know, he likes the guitar, too, just like us, and he plays almost as good as you do."

Joel rolled his eyes at her, effectively done with the conversation. "Whatever you say." He checked his watch and clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "You made me so late today," he said, already turning away from her to head to the West side fences. "I'm tellin' everyone you're the reason why I got there so late, so expect some dirty looks from the people who have to stand around and wait for me to relieve them of their shifts."

"Then, I'm telling the kids that you made me late! So, expect some pretty dark looks from them, as well!" she said, yelling at his retreating back. Ellie chuckled to herself as she ran in the opposite direction, toward the schoolroom.

Hopefully, those kids really could deal with a little unsupervised time for a few minutes, or else she really was going to blame it on Joel.

* * *

"No, Ari, you gotta relax your grip. Remember what we went over? Your weight goes in your back muscles, not your arm."

Ellie was curled around the back of one of the kids, guiding her arm back as the girl struggled to keep her arm straight. The bow was a bit too big for the kid's stature, but it was something they had to push through. Raiders did not take mercy on children, so learning awkwardly was better than not knowing at all.

"I'm trying," the kid said, voice shaky with the effort it took for her to pull as far back as her short arms would take her.

"Okay, hold it. Now, let loose. Gently," Ellie said.

She stepped back a few paces to the left to see Ari's profile. One of Ari's eyes was clenched shut as she tried to focus on the makeshift target Marco had helped Ellie set up for target practice. It was just a huge cut-out piece of cardboard in the shape of a human that was strung up against the wall of the schoolroom. Marco had made two main bullseyes around the heart and the head because those were kill shots, he'd explained to everyone; Ellie had added an extra bullseye down below, around the imaginary crotch of the human cutout just because. They didn't have much to work with, but Marco said this was preferable to her initial idea of sticking an apple on top of Ryan's head and having the kid's practice shooting that off.

Ari's tongue was poking out from between her lips as she concentrated, and then a soft whistle sounded as she gently removed her fingers from the string.

Ellie and Ari's eyes followed the blur of the arrow, and Ellie already had her hand upraised in a high five as she noticed the arrow pointing straight out from the bullseye around the crotch.

"Nice shot, kid. And nice choice, I might add," she said enthusiastically as Ari grinned a gap-toothed smile, clapping her tiny hand hard against Ellie's.

"Did ya see? That was my best one yet! I'm getting so good at this."

"Pretty soon, you'll move on to Marco's side and learn how and where to strike an enemy when you have a knife, or something else small, available."

Ari whispered, "Yes!" to herself before picking up her stance again, pulling her arm back into the form Ellie taught her.

Ellie's chest filled with pride as she glided to the edge of the yard to lean against the brown picket fence that bordered the entire yard behind the schoolroom. She watched the mixed classes go about their practice in earnest, not a single bored face out there. Without a doubt, every single one of these kids was a hundred percent better than a month ago when she'd started these little lessons. They weren't soldiers, but she was confident that they could hold their own in a fight if it ever came to it.

On the far-right side of the field in front of her, she could just make out Marco's untamed curly hair above all the other kids swirling around him, racing to keep up with the little demonstration he was doing with one of the other teens. Marco had one of the boys in a headlock, the boy's arms twisted behind his back in Marco's other arm, as he simultaneously spoke to the kids paired up and watching the display.

After a few days of trying to teach a class of twenty-five on her own, she'd realized that she was a bit in over her head. It was Marco who suggested he might have a thing or two to share with the class. He'd demonstrated to them about which berries were safe to eat from the outside, and which ones to be wary of. He'd shown them the safest spot to conceal a knife on their self. He even had some lessons on how to climb trees. The boy was surprisingly knowledgeable for spending most of his life in a quarantine zone. He said he had spent some time on the outside on his way to get here, but it seemed like he didn't like to talk about that time too much. Ellie understood, of course. She didn't talk about the really bad stuff, either.

Her initial feeling to reject his proposal to help with the kids was strong, but after another day of a stressful learning session had gone by, she'd relented and given him half of the field behind the schoolroom.

He'd been doing wonderfully, treating the kids gently when they screwed up, and setting the bar a bit higher for the other teens. Now that Marco had appeared to be in cahoots with her, though, Ryan had widened his target to include the both of them.

Marco was unbothered by it all when they began to hear the teens whisper about King Marco and Princess Ellie. She'd known herself that there were rumors flying through the kids, but she hadn't known they had reached the adults until Joel had mentioned it this morning. She hated to say that it bothered her because she wasn't better than anyone else, and she didn't want that perception of her, but Marco didn't seem to mind. He actually didn't even seem to care, overlooking or ignoring the quiet comments when they heard them. She wished she could have that same level of cool to her.

As if he sensed her looking, he glanced up from speaking to the kids and squinted at her. Ellie waved her finger upward in a quick circle, signaling that time was up.

Marco dropped his hands from the boy he was sparring with while Ellie pulled herself back to her group of mostly the children who were still grappling the basics of weaponry. She clapped her hands once, enough to get their attention. "You guys did great today. Especially you, Ari," she said, shooting the girl a double thumbs up. "And pretty soon," she said, turning back to everyone else, "we'll all be able to go see what Marco's been up to over there."

Almost in unison, the children's faces lit up with enthusiasm. They'd been itching to work their way past the weaponry and toward the rough playfighting they all loved to do anyway, and she thought they'd finally get there in a few days.

The kids took their time leaving back through the back door of the schoolroom, and she soon found herself side by side with Marco, picking up the extra equipment scattered around.

"Did you see Ari?" she said to him, slinging the bows over her shoulder. Marco leaned down to gather all of the stray arrows the kids had messily kicked around during practice. "She finally hit near the bullseye. It was pretty adorable seeing her get all excited. She was all, like, jumping up and down and grabbing my arm and, like, 'Did ya see? Did ya see?'" Ellie chuckled.

"I heard you guys celebrating something, but I didn't know what."

"She just keeps forgetting where to put her weight at. She's trying to pull the arrow back with her fingers and arms even though I keep saying, 'Put it in your back, put it in your back'."

He straightened as Ryan and a couple other teens started to pass by. Marco came to stand beside Ellie, but his eyes kept drifting over toward the wayward group coming their way. "Good for her. She's a little over-ambitious, but she just needs some reminding."

Ellie narrowed her eyes at Ryan when she caught his gaze lingering on the pair of them. A girl behind him pulled at his elbow, whispering but not even trying to keep Ellie and Marco from hearing.

"Go easy on her. It can't be easy to be put on the backburner while daddy finds someone new to spend all his time with."

Ellie's chest started burning even though she wasn't entirely sure what this girl was referring to. She'd promised Joel that she wouldn't start trouble, she said this. He would be so disappointed in her if she let this girl's words crawl under her skin. But what was that girl talking about? She couldn't be referring to Esther. Ellie, herself, had only found out about it this morning, so how could she know already?

Ryan and the girl, Julie, she remembered, were suddenly blocked from view as Marco's bulk form stood in front of her. She glanced at him and felt the tiniest hint of relief at the way he dramatically rolled his eyes at them.

He dropped his voice so only she could hear him. "Don't let them—"

"Yeah. That Esther's got quite the appeal," Ryan said, voice sounding so cocky that even though she couldn't see his face, she could picture the nasty smirk plastered on his chapped lips. "She's been trying to get Joel between her legs ever since he got here. You know how she's always prattling on about how much she wants a family of her own? Now, it seems he's finally gonna stick a baby in her—"

"Shut the fuck up!" Ellie said, throwing the hunting gear off her shoulder and charging past Marco in the same instance. She didn't get far before strong arms wrapped around her middle, her fist punching through the air only to fall inches short of Ryan's bewildered face.

Fuck this boy, and fuck what she promised. There was too much pride inside of her, she wasn't going to sit by and be the bigger person when there was no one even there to notice.

She thrashed her legs back, trying to kick Marco off of her, trying to ignore his harsh voice in her ear telling her that Ryan wasn't worth it, that she would regret this later. What the hell did he know after only a month of knowing her?

But, she could feel his voice tapping into a part of her mind that was cloudy, hidden behind the haze of anger she couldn't contain. She could feel the fight leaving her, but that didn't stop her from trying to get a hit in.

"You don't know a fucking thing about it!" she said, her struggles becoming less and less until her feet were planted on the ground, her nails digging into Marco's arm around her.

Ryan and Julie merely stared at her as if she were a wild animal. Julie had already started backing away, trying to tug Ryan along with her, and when he wouldn't budge, she ran off.

The grip she had on Marco's arm must have been getting too much for him because he let go of her with a wince. She'd anticipated the action a second before he moved, though, so she held her ground when he stumbled off to the side, watching them warily while inspecting the damage on his arms.

She wasn't going to take another swing if that's what Marco was worried about. She did step up to Ryan, though, getting as close as she could without wanting to go off again. Ryan's face backed up uneasily as she stared unflinchingly into his eyes.

His eyes were a deep brown, kind of like Marco's, but where Marco had depth, and warmth, Ryan's were flat, a little fear swimming around in the dark recesses, as well. The sight made her smile mockingly.

"You don't know the things he's been through. The things he's done..." she said menacingly. Ryan gulped. "You don't wanna know, either. It's the kind of things not even your nightmares can come up with." She paused for a second, wanting her words to sink into his thick skull. "I better not hear his name come from your filthy mouth again, because then? I'll be the least of your problems."

She didn't stick around to see the reaction she had incurred in the boy, instead, tossing a withering look at Marco beside her. "You even think about laying another hand on me or getting in my way again, I won't be so forgiving next time." She gave the gear she'd dumped around her a meaningful look. "And you can be on gear duty today."

Instead of the look of fear or remorse she was used to receiving from the other kids when she gave orders, Marco merely rolled his eyes, looking annoyed. The beauty of that look was that she didn't care.

Ellie jogged her way through the back door and back out into the town through the front door, breathing in the fresh, cool air today was treating them to. She was still freezing, but for the first time in a while, she welcomed the cold, numbing feeling that coursed through her limbs as she headed toward her secret hideout.

Since landing this teaching gig, Maria had given her a little time off patrol duty to catch her breath between jobs. Before, Ellie used to get up in the morning, chat over breakfast with Joel, and then head out to the fences for a brief patrol before going out with the main group to clear paths, scavenge for meds and odd things they could use, stuff like that. With the class coming into play, she'd traded her morning patrol and took a break for the afternoon, picking back up with Tommy's group in the late evening. She appreciated the break Maria had given her, even though she'd fought her on it.

"I don't need a break, I can do it all," Ellie had insisted.

Maria had given her an "oh, please" look. "Even the best of 'em need a little break sometimes. Relax; enjoy this time I've given you. Some of the others would kill for a little extra home time—for time with their families."

"Then, why don't you give it to them? They could use it more than me."

Maria had averted her gaze, and Ellie had gotten the distinct feeling that this was a personal favor she was doing for Joel. He had already vocalized his worry about Ellie taking on more now than ever before, and she had no doubt that he'd done this behind her back.

"Enjoy it," was all Maria had said, and they hadn't talked about it again.

But, Ellie hadn't realized just how tired she'd been until she had spare time to mess around with. With Marco, finding ways to fly the time by was easy. It turned out, he did play the guitar like she thought he might have, and they'd been playing together, jamming out in the hideout to songs he knew and songs she'd learned. Marco was into a different kind of music than she was used to, which he'd picked up from his mom. He didn't talk about her much, and she didn't ask; too painful, she figured. But, when he played the beautiful music on the tips of his fingers on the guitar Joel had given her, she felt so light. It was music she'd never heard before, and the way Marco played it, mellow and gently, almost made her fall asleep, it was so peaceful.

And then, when she played music, he listened with deliberate intent, making her feel heard as she tentatively played the strings that she was rather new to. He encouraged her and critiqued her, not harshly, but with a matter of fact attitude. He'd been playing since he was small, so she was grateful for the extra tips.

At times, Marco seemed otherworldly to her, not because he knew more about survival than she did (he didn't), or that he knew more about the old world (he did), but because he knew a different kind of life than the one she'd known. She knew that he'd been living in a quarantine zone with his mother for most of his life, and that life on the road was something relatively new to him, but now that his dad had found them a new home here, Marco had big hopes on trying to stay. He'd missed life on the inside, and that's why he tried to fit in here as much as possible: because he didn't want a reason to be cast out.

All at once, she found herself feeling guilty for lashing out at him.

The beat up, old building swam in front of her as she slowed her jog, racing up the stairs to the open doorway, the front door having long been kicked down by someone. The air was stagnant, a musky smell that reminded her of a bookshelf full of books that hadn't been touched in decades. The sun was high in the air, at its peak as it shone down through the wide gaps of the broken-in ceiling, illuminating the dust motes that floated heavily throughout this building.

It was a cute little house, and Ellie sometimes tried to imagine what it looked like back in the day. Maybe there was a young couple who had built this house, trying to provide a home for their growing family. She could imagine two pretty girls covered in dirt, side by side, as they spent all day and all night nailing pieces of wood together and painting from floor to ceiling. She could picture the colorful paint on their faces as they messed around, throwing paint on each other as they laughed and chased each other around the unfinished living room.

Ellie sighed and flopped down onto the couch, spreading her hands wondrously on the stiff cushions. She didn't know why she concerned herself with what life was like before, but she often found herself imagining a life she could only imagine, a life that was a reality for the older people who were still kicking today. Like Joel.

And that was the heart of it, wasn't it? The reason she seemed to be obsessed with old novelties and a world that was long gone? Because of Joel.

Even after three years of sticking close to the older man, she still knew there was a part of himself that he kept separate from her. The idea that he actively hid something from her bothered her, and she didn't know why. She always imagined that whatever he masked away was too painful to relive, so that's why she never pushed for more than he was ever willing to give on that front. But damn, the forbidden details of that world just made her all the more curious.

Thinking of Joel brought back what just happened with Ryan and Julie, and Ellie tensed. She'd done it again. She'd broken her fucking promise to keep the peace here in town. She didn't know why this kept happening. For nearly two years, there hadn't been too many incidents Ellie had found herself in, and now all of a sudden, it seemed like it was day after day of nothing but someone pushing Ellie over the edge and her taking the fateful plunge.

To be honest, it gnawed at Ellie, a plunging, dark hole in her stomach that made her feel sick if she thought too much about it. Something wasn't right, something was brewing right under her nose, and she just couldn't pinpoint it. Something had spurred on this erratic anxiety and behavior in her, and if she pushed past the nausea and tried to think, she could almost...

"That was very tedious," Marco said, causing Ellie to breathe in deeply at the intruder. Marco was leaning against the door frame, and when she noticed him, he pushed himself off, stepping into the room. "I'm just gonna tell you that the only reason I cleaned up the field today was because Ryan is a dick, and watching you make that boy cower was more than enough of a reward for me."

Marco twirled his body once in a lazy circle before flopping onto the couch beside her. It was the only couch in the room, or else Ellie would have kicked him off with her feet. She rolled her eyes.

"You don't have to be a hero. If I wanted to go for him, you should have just let me. I don't need you to tell me what's good for me and what's not." It wasn't an apology, but she hoped he could do his sixth sense thing right about now and just tell that she was sorry for being so harsh with him.

Marco was messing with his fingers, his index fingers and thumbs alternating at the tips on each hand, like that nursery rhyme about a spider or something climbing up a water spout. "I wasn't trying to demean you. I thought I was helping."

"By holding me back?"

"By trying to spare you some regret."

"And how would you know anything about my regrets?" Her voice was rising, unable to keep her distaste at bay.

Marco quit his dumb hand movements, hands falling limply onto his chest. Then, he slid his body down, his head resting comfortably on the back of the couch and turned his eyes on her.

"I recall a conversation we had last week where you mentioned how disappointed Joel would be if you'd gone back on your word and started causing trouble where none was called for. It was that day Ryan had written your name on one of those cardboard dummies and had his friends practice with it."

Ellie had nothing to say to that. She _had_ told him about her promise to Joel because Marco was a damned good listener, and she'd only just figured out how desperate she was to have another person to talk to. It also was the only alternative to punching Ryan out right in front of the entire class.

Talking to Marco had a different quality to it than talking to Joel, but yet she enjoyed them just the same. With Joel, the bond had grown over hardship and pain, those experiences from their first year with each other tying them together to where they were forced to get to know each other. Those experiences are what tethered them to each other, she was sure, because she knew if she had met Joel in a random quarantine zone in another life, he wouldn't have spared her a second glance. They cared for one another _because_ of what they went through together, and that solidified a relationship in which he became one of her most trusted friends. Her family, even. She could tell him anything.

With Marco, there was no shared history. There were no moments in which he witnessed her being weak and comforted her until she felt safe again. Marco, himself, didn't even make her feel safe the way Joel always did. But, he did understand her. He'd been outside and faced cruelty down in the eyes, maybe like the way she had, maybe not, she didn't know. But, in that way, he understood when she spoke solemnly about the hardships she'd endured out there. She never told him anything in detail, but that was what made him so easy to talk to because she didn't have to tell him the details so that he'd understand her trauma. He just knew.

There was one perk to having a friend outside of Joel, and that was when she wanted to _talk_ about Joel. Sometimes, the old man got on her nerves or was just way too overprotective, and she couldn't exactly tell him any of this without him taking it personally and feeling bad. Not to mention he just didn't understand what being a teenager was like anymore, and he just couldn't relate. She couldn't exactly vent to Maria because she would tell Tommy, and then Joel would end up knowing anyway. None of the kids in class particularly liked Ellie, and she wouldn't tell them personal matters anyway.

Like she'd said before, Marco was different, and talking with him about Joel was kind of like talking to a diary, like girls from the old days used to do. Marco didn't go around blabbing about everything he heard, and he didn't comment or bring attention to the rumors surrounding the pair of them and their unexpected friendship.

Ellie gave him a side glance as subtly as she could, suddenly wondering why he did nothing to quiet the rumors, or at least to tell people they were out of their fucking minds. Did it not bother him that people thought they ran off together to go fuck in some abandoned building? It bothered Ellie, but she was past the point of responding to their taunts, so if she started now, then it would definitely look like she had something to hide.

Joel's conversation from this morning came back to her uneasily as she studied Marco, observing.

Marco was resting, eyes closed as he faced the ceiling, and she tried to look objectively at him. He was okay looking, she guessed. Dark, unruly curls sat atop his head in a messy manner, like he shoved his hand through it all day (which he did). Through his thin sweater, she could see the way his biceps were toned, though not overly so, not like a superhero on steroids, but much smaller than Joel's. She'd made fun of Marco's beard before, how it was barely there, but now that she thought about it, she thought the slight shading of hair there around his chin and along his jaw actually made him more presentable than those with full, thick beards; for his age, at least.

All in all, he was a fairly attractive dude.

Marco's eyes were suddenly staring at her, and she froze like a deer catching onto her footsteps. His eyebrows furrowed. "Why are you being creepy?"

His light words, and the fact that he wasn't upset with her staring, eased some of the tension within her as she relaxed, chuckling once. "I was just thinking about something Joel had asked me this morning."

"Oh, yeah? What did Mr. Wise say today?"

She shot him an unimpressed look, but went on, her nerves suddenly making her feel on edge. "He thought we were fucking."

At the sudden change in topic, Marco zeroed his eyes in on her, straightening from his slouched position on the couch. A number of emotions passed through his open face—confusion, wonder, hesitance—before he opened his mouth, only to close it a second later. He took his time answering her—something he did when he thought seriously about how to reply instead of saying whatever popped into his head first.

Finally, he said, "He said that?"

Ellie could barely see it, but Marco's cheeks had darkened, his bottom lip getting sucked in between his teeth as he bit on it.

"Not in so many words, but … yeah."

He nodded, his eyes darting from side to side as he thought. "And, what'd you say?"

"I told him that you found six different ways inside my vagina." Marco let out an undignified gasp before she gave in and laughed. "Relax," she said through her huffs of breaths. "What do you think I told him? The truth, obviously, you dork."

Marco had squeezed his eyes shut as she relayed that second half, clenching his fist into the air like he was in physical pain. "Don't … do that," he said, a huge breath escaping him as he finally relaxed once more.

"But, it's funny."

Marco opened his eyes at her response, looking about ready to chew her out, but then he sighed softly to himself and shook his head. "What did Joel say when you told him what we did here?"

Ellie thought back to that morning, to the way the older man merely rolled his eyes when she explained herself. He didn't even seem too invested in her answer. He was mostly concerned with how she reacted to being questioned about Marco. Now that she thought about it, she thought he might have just been trying to tease her to get her off his back about Esther.

"He believed me. He just thought it was weird that I didn't tell him about us hanging out. And Ryan and Julie weren't wrong," she said, her tone dropping. "Joel's going over to Esther's place later." Ellie chewed on her lip as Julie's words played through her head again. Her eyes cut to Marco. "Did you know about Joel and Esther hanging out? I mean, I'm no idiot. I know the girl has been hounding after Joel ever since we got here, but he never showed much interest in her. Well," she huffed, "not until today."

She expected him to be surprised at her question, and even raise his eyebrows a bit. It was a little unnerving when, instead, he glanced down at his fingers that were suddenly twiddling with each other again.

"Marco," she snapped, smacking his fingers down. He huffed and let his hands fall limply in his lap before facing her with an apologetic expression. The look twisted her guts around inside no matter how hard she tried to ignore the feeling.

"I thought you knew," he said, letting his eyes trail down to the necklace at her throat. Ellie's heart felt like it skipped a couple beat as his words sank in, banging against her throat as it felt like it was closing in on her.

"It's just like," he said, continuing, "I thought they were already a couple when I first arrived."

She laughed, but it came out more like a choke. "Wha— Why would you think that?" she said, and her voice was barely above a whisper. Her head was full of confusion and nothing was making sense right now and _why would he think that?_

A groan vibrated through Marco's throat as he tensed beside her, wiping his palms on the rough of his jeans. "How'd I get in the middle of this?" he mumbled to himself, and then he brought one knee up between them onto the couch and angled himself to face her. Her body felt stuck, but she was able to focus her attention on him as he prepared to speak.

"So, when my dad and I first arrived, Tommy brought us up to his house and we met Maria and the baby and all that. We did this whole thing where we just talked for a while and got to know each other, and then Tommy set us up on that trial residency. Everything was cool. Then, when me and my dad were heading out the door, in comes this big man and some woman whispering to each other. I barely saw it, but as soon as they hit the doorway, she leaned over and kissed his cheek, and then walked back out."

Ellie could very vividly picture the scene Marco described in great detail. It was kind of heart-warming to think about Joel receiving some womanly affection, but there was just one thing that was burning her insides up with betrayal.

Why hadn't he said anything to her?

"I didn't know until later that it was Joel, but that wasn't the only time I saw them huddled up and whispering and smiling at each other. It's pretty regular, actually."

"Regular," she said dazedly. Just how long had he been boning Esther and keeping it a secret? Or, apparently, everyone around town knew except for her, and Ellie could not think of any world where that was fair to her.

And she betted he thought he could keep this secret, too, since he knew Ellie didn't really talk to anyone, so who could tell her about it?

"I'm guessing you didn't know," Marco said carefully, dumbly, and Ellie still couldn't really focus on his words. All she could think about was how Joel came home each night and never once felt the need to mention something about Esther. "A-are you okay?"

And like that, she snapped out of her daze, vision swimming with colors until she managed to zero in on Marco. He was gazing at her with slight concern, slight guilt, his eyebrows drawn down over his wide, bright eyes. Her skin began to itch beneath his gaze, not used to being scrutinized in such detail. And why did he look guilty?

Ellie realized in the same second that she thought it that she was wrong about his look. He wasn't guilty about anything.

He pitied her.

A grin that felt as real as the cure to the infected slapped onto her face as she laughed once, trying to shake off the rigidity that had locked up her bones. "Of course, I am, why wouldn't I be? I mean, just because he and I live together doesn't mean we have to tell each other everything. I didn't tell him about _us_ ," she said, as if that should have been all the proof he needed to believe her. "And, besides, he's really touchy about that kind of stuff. I don't know all about it, but I know he's been hurt in the past. I'm not gonna be the asshole who tries to be nosy about his life before, so if he wants to tell me about it, then he'll tell me about it. If not, then..." she said, shrugging.

She never in her life had ever needed anyone's pity, and she sure as fuck was not about to start now.

Whatever Joel's problem was with this whole Esther situation, and why he hadn't wanted to tell her anything about it before now, wasn't anyone else's business. Ellie would figure this out on her own, so Marco could throw his pity at someone else who deserved it.

Ellie bit at her nails as she gazed around the room. She didn't know what to say, and she doubted he even believed her, and honestly, she felt like she was doing wrong right now by pretending again. She'd thought that once she found the perfect friend that she would be able to tell them everything, that she'd be happier and everything would feel right in her life again. Here Marco was, having shown up in her life when things were starting to get more confusing than ever, and he was it; he was exactly what she'd been looking for. He was the perfect friend.

So, why couldn't she just open up?

Body thrumming with nerves, she jumped up from the couch, startling Marco who had been in the process of pulling a small carton of toothpicks out of his jeans pocket, and _where did he get those toothpicks?_

His thick eyebrows rose as he pulled a single stick from the carton and popped it between his lips. "Where you goin'?"

She ran a hand through her hair and puffed air out through her cheeks. "It's just been a long day. I think my bed is calling to me right now before I gotta head out tonight with Tommy. See ya tomorrow?"

She almost felt bad for leaving him here, but she really just needed to clear her head right now. Maybe if she was lucky, she actually could get a few hours of rest time in.

Marco caught her wrist as she turned to leave, and she hurriedly snatched it out of his grasp, not expecting the touch. One of the few things he'd learned about her over the past few weeks was that she did not like to be touched when she wasn't aware of it, which was probably why he belatedly pulled his hand back now like he'd been burned.

"Sorry, but I just wanted to say that I shouldn't have overstepped. I don't know what kind of relationship you and Joel have, but if you say you're good, then I'll leave it at that. You don't have to explain yourself to me."

The slight pressure that felt like it had been sitting heavily on her chest for the past few minutes suddenly lifted at his words. He got it; he really understood her. It seemed his intuitive sixth sense was working in her favor this time.

Marco really was the perfect friend she had been looking for.

She didn't even have to pretend this time when she smiled at him, the reaction coming easily to her. "Thanks, Marco." He merely half-smiled and shrugged one shoulder in that loose, chill way he had about him, and settled himself back into the couch.

Ellie didn't explain that she was thanking him for being there for her, for making her feel comfortable when things got awkward, or even for being the friend she'd needed in her life right now. She didn't tell him any of this, but knowing Marco, she knew that she didn't have to voice any of this—he already knew.

* * *

 **Hello friends! Super sorry for the wait, but at least it wasn't as long as the last one? Am I right?  
**

 **Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who reads this and comments and faves and all that good stuff. I read all the comments, and you guys are so nice for your kind words, I really appreciate it and it helps me focus on finishing this story for you all.**

 **I'm pretty excited for what's to come, and hope you guys like it!**


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